Being Grateful!

I shared this on Facebook this morning and it got me thinking that I probably could do with a gratitude list - so here it is!

When I lived in the US once a year we would have what was usually an orphan's Thanksgiving dinner.  We invited anyone we knew who couldn't go to their own family... for whatever reason...  Always there were people there whom I had never met, frequently there were people who spoke no English, and usually very few of those present knew each other.  We ate - huge meals of turkey, with lashings of vegetables and then desserts; and we drank - significant quantities of wine usually.  The funniest time was when we invited this Moroccan guy, Adi, who was married to an American acquaintance... his wife was away on an academic appointment and so he was going to be home alone.  Adi was a great dinner guest but I must confess to fits of uncontrollable giggles (wine assisted I'm sure) overtaking me when he brought out his slide projector and started showing us a travelogue of the tour he was selling to Morroco!  He had printed sheets for us and our other guests to sign up there and then - everything but the credit card machine!  Another time we had two Korean students (they were at law school with a friend of ours) and one of them brought her mother who spoke no English - the poor woman (who remained sober) was quite overwhelmed by the raucous, inebriated volume of our laughter and conversation.  One of the memorable components of each of these cacophonous gatherings was the pause before we actually ate when we would go around the table and each say a few words about the things that year had delivered for which we were grateful.  I kind of miss that... the breath to think about only the benefits... the moment to rise beyond the irritations of daily life and look at the more important truths...

Charlie Brown and Snoopy can't even hope to be grateful every day for everything - but how about being grateful today for the good stuff?

I am grateful for (in non-significant order)

• being Australian
• living in a country where (in spite of constant attacks from the right wing, big money, and big finance) there is still a system of universal education, welfare, and healthcare
• having in my life a plethora of interesting, intelligent, like-minded people who believe in taking care of those who have harder roads, the earth, the animals, the ocean...  I am grateful for their passion and their staunch beliefs
• every day in every way I am grateful for my parents and my upbringing most especially my mother who is omnipresent in my thoughts in spite of the nearly 4 years that have passed since she died
• The Boy - OMG I am so grateful for The Boy - when life has reached its lowest ebb it is his existence that has enabled me to survive (as a side note he is doing incredibly well at the moment and has been promoted to supervisor only half way through his traineeship - it doubles his salary and the company has put him in the very best location in their flagship store - starting the day before his 19th birthday The Boy is on his way!)  I am so very fortunate that all my crappy decisions didn't manage to screw him up too much!
• the dogs.  Frizby and Venus add so much to my daily life especially in the production of endorphins I'm sure.  I adore the babies and I love that TLOML and I are both loving them together
• The Best Friend - anyone who has read this blog before knows what a jackpot I have won with her, I am forever in her debt for the help she has given The Boy and I am so lucky to have her friendship
• the chooks who give us lovely fresh eggs but who more importantly give me pleasure and make me feel all warm and fuzzy and entertained
• opportunity - just when I thought I was pretty much out to pasture from now on I have had yet another opportunity land in my lap - work I can do while lying in bed, that furthers my studies and enhances my resume while paying me a good casual wage... just a few hours a week but that is about all I have in me anyway...  Out of nowhere here comes another chance to feel success
• my intelligence and my ability to write - I'm not meaning to sound arrogant but I would be remiss if I failed to be thankful for these undeserved (and frequently misused) gifts
• The Nurse - how lucky am I that I come to a strange place, where I only know TLOML, and I find in her friend someone who is so wonderful and so accepting of me - someone who has been open to allow us to develop our own relationship and whom I just adore!  (she loves me too!)  Serendipity at it's finest.
• TLOML's youngest son - his presence makes me feel just a little less pain about being so far away from The Boy; his humour clicks with mine and I am grateful for the moments when our eyes meet with understanding and laughter.  I am also grateful for the fact that we just 'get' each other and that he forgives my grumpy moods.  He can be a shit of a kid (can't they all?) but I really love him and that is something worthy of gratitude!
• his father - how cool is it to really enjoy your partner's ex?
• my health - I know this sounds strange being that I have a chronic illness but it's true - even though I am in constant pain and I never feel great, I'm actually quite healthy in other ways... I rarely catch colds or viruses and my constitution is strong - good heart, low blood pressure, and all this in spite of the terrible things I have inflicted upon my system over the years...
• Facebook - without FB I would not be able to maintain solid and consistent relationships with the many friends I love all over the world - I can't hug them but we can interact and correspond and KNOW that we think of each other with love and fondness.  Also it was Facebook that brought TLOML back into my life and I will thank FB forever for that.
• my friends who are scattered so far and wide - loving them makes me feel good
• good food!  Here in Australia we are lucky to have terrific fresh produce, meats, seafood and anything else we might want.  I'm learning to cook (after decades of avoiding it vehemently), I'm almost enjoying it and we sure do get to eat well!
• TLOML - I've carried on enough in these pages about how fortunate I am to have met this crazy wonderful woman... we have our ups and downs, our moments of pique, and yet we just roll on past them - not dragging them on like extra carriages of cargo - they are shunted off onto a siding never to be seen again...  she shares without question her life, her house (which is now our home), her friends, and her family, and my life has a depth of pleasure and a richness I never expected to experience again.

I'm sure I have missed stuff, it is by no means a complete list - off the top of my head these are the biggies...

I think it's good for us all to spend time occasionally thinking only of the good stuff - let all the nasty stuff go -- for the most part, you can't change it anyway so why dwell on it?  I'm not convinced of the power of positive thinking and I can be a bit of a pessimistic optimist at times (hope for the best and plan for the worst) but really a few minutes dedicated to thinking only the stuff that feels good is really healthy!

Thanks to any of you out there who bother to read this and comment -- I love you too!

Thank Herbert for it all!

Good News Monday!

I know I am an unforgivably slack blogger.  I ask for no forgiveness and I know my apologies are not nearly sufficient.

That said -- I have been BUSY!!!

Chronological order usually seems like the best way to relay a narrative account of events but not today I have news I am busting to share!

I just handed in an assignment to the University (one that I suspect is inferior in quality, unfortunately) and as I opened my uni email to send the assignment in I found several emails from the Director of the Master of Conflict and Dispute Resolution Program in which I am studying.  One was giving me a mark for the last subject I finished and I was STUNNED to discover that I had achieved a High Distinction on each of the components and therefore my first HD for a whole course!!!  Yippee was I completely surprised I thought my final assignment on that subject was  a load of tripe and onions.  I also had an email giving me a totaled mark for the subject I finished before that (in this case I got an HD for the major assignment but a Credit for an earlier piece of work gave me a Distinction average).  None of this is THE good news...

I also had an email from this professor advising me that she has received funding for a part time research assistant and asking IF I AM INTERESTED!!!!

Does the Pontiff wear a silly hat?
Is a duck's bum watertight?
Are polka dot bikinis itsy bitsy and teeny weeny?

Of course I am bloody interested!

I don't know too much yet - the project is looking at conflict between PhD Students and their Supervisors.  Both of the lecturers involved in the project know me and know that I have health issues and problems with endurance, they are both quite flexible, so I'm pretty sure they would be flexible and quite possibly some of the work would be able to be done remotely (coming to you live from my bedroom!).  Anyway, it's very exciting and here's hoping... it could be the inauspicious beginning of my academic career!

OK now to some newsy stuff...  at the end of June I celebrated my 50th birthday.  I had a lovely day with TLOML pottering around in town and shopping at the hardware shop (the Aussie version of Homo Depot). I can't really remember why we were there but we got some fairy lights for the party and a solar powered pair of spotlights that now light up the back yard on a movement sensor.  We had spent the week leading up to the birthday cleaning, sorting, tidying, decorating and generally finally moving me in.  The Nurse (whom I adore more every day) gave me, as my birthday present, 6 hours of her labour and came the day before my birthday and got so much done I was amazed!  I am returning the favour now by giving her some handy work on an as needed basis - already I think I will put in a new toilet roll holder and there is some other stuff she wants me to do.  A great idea cause we get to hang out together - get stuff done - save money - and make each other feel good -- Wins all around!

We had a lovely visit from The Actress, The Percussionist and their daughter for a few days and a quite small party the day after my birthday.  One night while the visitors were here we went in the evening to a place called West Point to watch the sunset.  TLOML's ex (who I am just crazy about as I have said here before) came and brought his guitar and his mandolin, their son (Who would have thought I could find a kindred spirit in a 15 year old boy?) built a fire on the beach and I got absolutely sloshed and sang all evening.  It has been a LONG LONG time since I enjoyed something like that!  Here are a couple of pics...

It was the most wonderful evening.

I still miss The Boy and I wish he were closer - he is doing so well fending for himself (well almost he still has the watchful eye of The Best Friend not too far away thank Herbert!).  I feel a real sense of pride in him and I'm so impressed with how well he is approaching his work and his responsibilities.  One of the head honcho's at his work (big position about five levels of management above The Boy) singled him out to come in for a chat and talked about his goals and how he is enjoying his work.  There is even a strong possibility that he might get promoted into a supervisory role before the end of his traineeship.  I feel so incredibly fortunate in that area because Herbert knows I made more than my share of parental mistakes and still managed not to totally break him - by good luck not good management!  We Skype'd for a while the other day which is a pretty good substitute for being together.  He turns 19 in a couple of weeks... how the years have flown!

Things are going well with TLOML.  We hit an occasional bump but we seem to bounce back pretty well...  There is a lot of love and understanding between us... The dogs (our shared babies) are a constant source of joy, amusement and aggravation (that would be Frizby delivering that part) and we have to control ourselves from talking about them all the time when we are with other people.  I have also been twice to the produce store to acquire some new chooks (chickens) and today is the first time we have had TWO EGGS!!!  She calls me "The Chook Whisperer" when I sneek out at night to make sure the new chookies have not been excluded from the perch (I pick them up and put them on the perch for the night).

Pastoral, peaceful, pleasant, playful, pleasing and paradisical... (unfortunately still painful too, but c'est la vie).

I think island life agrees with me....

On the water

Riding across from the island this morning on the ferry I was struck (as I often am) with the beauty of the place where I live.  The sea was glistening, the air was crisp - but not cold - and the golden light of early morning revealed the gullies and crags of the surrounding landscape.  I sat on the upper deck- alone - and viewed the world as if I were a tourist.
This brought to mind the many times I have been a tourist on boats.  The ferry to Madeline Island off the northern coast of Wisconsin in my beloved Lake Superior - the car ferry to Bainbridge Island across Puget Sound from Seattle - sightseeing on Milford Sound in New Zealand - funny old rusty ships to the Greek Islands when I was a child and car ferries across the English Channel on the same trip - canal boats in Amsterdam - a cruise ship sailing into Cape Town - for that matter the first time I rode the ferry to Magnetic Island back in the mid 1980's when I was young, fit and invincible...  What beautiful sights I have seen from the water!
It is a long love affair, this relationship with the water...  I rode a ferry across Sydney Harbour to school for 7 years and I always loved it. The relaxation of a leisurely trip across the water releases the tensions of the day and creates a separation between home and the outside world.  This afternoon on the ferry I enjoyed a lively and cheerful conversation with a woman a barely know and another I have never been introduced to, as we pulled up to the wharf on the island I saw TLOML's ex, who always makes me smile, poking his tongue out out me because I had failed to see him sooner.  There is no one who could have mistaken the genuine pleasure that showed on my face when I saw him.  He is a wonderful guy and I really like him!  TLOML was there to pick me up in Shermie, with both the dogs wagging their tails and happy to see me.  We went right to the beach and walked for a while as the last of the daylight faded from the sky.  It's not bad living on an island in paradise, especially not when the rest of Australia is suffering through a chilly winter and I am warm on a beach in shirts-sleeves at dusk.
The ex of TLOML (P) brings me to another point...  Now I have never been a man hater, a separatist, or in any way anti-men (after all I do have a son!) but as a general rule, throughout my adult life, I have not really made friends with all that many men.  I have a very close friend in Minnesota, a gay guy I used to work with, but other than him most of my friends have always been women.  Here things are different.  In all my life I have never met so many men who I REALLY REALLY like!  This place is full of beautiful, gentle, men.  Three of my favourites have the same name (P) LOL and quite frankly there is another P, who I don't know very well, but who I really like too!  Up until moving here I would really have only counted The Best Friend's hubby, The Optimist, and The Actress's hubby, The Percussionist, among my favourite people - men were very poorly represented!  This is no longer the case.  Now I know that the rest of the good guys were hiding up here!
OK gang - Day Two is done - only one to go (of my stint over at the University)... I think I can... I think I can...  I know that the ride on the ferry adds time to my long and tiring days... but there is something else that it adds which more than makes up for the deficit...  It gives me a boost to the spirit and a lift to the heart.

But I am very glad to be home.

Musings on life, Herbert, and blogging

It's some sort of a cycle.

I don't blog, then I feel guilty about not blogging, then I think I have nothing to say and why would someone want to read my drivel, so I don't blog...

I want to talk about all kinds of things but some of them are minutia and some of them might be too personal or might make me look foolish - so I don't write.

There are lots of great excuses - I am busy studying (I have received Distinctions for the first two subjects I have finished), I am busy living (TLOML and the doggers absorb my time), I'm not in great health (when I crash I crash and I just want to let my mind run free in an effort to forget my body is actually still part of me) but none of them is a good enough reason not to write.

In 10 days I will tick over into my 50's and I can't believe it.  In so many ways I'm so unchanged from the child I was.  I'm still homesick for my Mum, though she has been dead nearly four years.  I'm still socially anxious and I still never feel like I fit in.  I still feel like an awkward misfit who doesn't quite get anything right in this world.

A couple of days ago I went to a memorial service with TLOML.  It was for a woman in her early 50's who died suddenly of a brain aneurysm.  A few years back I lost a very close friend like that, she was only 44 and it was a devastating shock.  The service was on the beach at sunset and there were lots of people in attendance.  The clothing was casual and colourful.  Lots of people were barefooted.  The local a capella choir, many of whom were close friends of the woman, sung.  When darkness fell a large paper heart was set alight, big paper lanterns were released - rising towards the stars on the power of their flames, and tiny boats with candles were lit and floated into the sea, it was beautiful.  Although I had never met the woman, she and her partner having been overseas since I moved up here, I heard stories of how she had touched people and the causes she had fought for.  More than anything I heard stories of the bond she and her partner shared, it seems they were truly soul mates.  Although I was a stranger, there as a sign of support to TLOML and her friends, some of whom were very close to the woman, I was deeply touched.

There is no justice in this world.  Miserly, miserable people live long unproductive lives making others unhappy and kind, gentle souls can be snatched away without time to say goodbye.  People in horrid relationships become elderly being rude and unkind to each other and someone else loses their soul mate in early middle age.  There is no rhyme or reason, no sense, no logic, Charles Manson grows old in gaol while Princess Diana, who worked so hard for so many valuable causes, is killed at 36.

I don't understand Herbert.  It just is.

Starting tomorrow I have a three day workshop at  the university.  That will probably knock my body around a bit so the weekend will be at least partially dedicated to recovery.  I'm in recovery today too because yesterday I started washing windows.  The Actress, The Percussionist and their daughter are coming to visit to share my birthday.  I'm so pleased they are coming and I can't wait to see them.  So TLOML and I need to get the house ready and washing the windows is one of jobs I have decided to tackle.  I like doing things where it makes a big difference, where you can see the result of your labour.  But I pay.  I pay dearly every time I throw myself into a task.  Last week I did a little car maintenance including flushing the radiator and was sore for a couple of days.  Washing the dogs did me in too.  I don't care though.  I would rather keep doing things and know I need a couple of days to recover than not be doing stuff!

On the home front everything is going well.  I miss The Boy though he is doing well in Sydney and is working hard.  The dogs are terrific though Frizby's separation anxiety is a bit of an issue.  Now if I go for a swim she keeps swimming out to me.  TLOML and I had a swim the other day and Frizzle was exhausted from swimming out to us every time we took her back to the beach.  (Hence why I was bathing the dogs!)  The nights are quite cool here at the moment but the days are beautiful.  Sunny and warm and sparkling Especially through the clean windows!!!

It's about time, it's about dogs...

Well back in April I undertook the A - Z blog challenge because my blogging was flagging a bit and it seems that rather than give me a kick start (as I intended) it exhausted my creativity and caused me to need nearly a month off blogging!  Never fear - I have returned!

I must confess life has been rather busy of late.  I am working on my masters - not nearly as much as I should be - but I am doing it.  I've finished the first subject, am in progress with two at the moment and I'm about to start my fourth.  Then I will be half way through!  It's very interesting learning about conflict, mediation, and all that other alternative dispute resolution stuff.  Although I must confess that it is a bit difficult doing this when I am not working.  Hanging out in paradise with TLOML and the dogs just doesn't give me all that much food for thought in the conflict department.

Healthwise I think I am doing somewhat better than I was six months ago.  The pain levels are not good at all even though I'm taking much better pain meds and I'm almost constantly maintaining a level of pain medication to knock the worst of it down.  I can feel the pain killer I took this morning has worn off and I'm getting those nasty roving cramps that make everything else hard.  On the upside I have had far less issues with the other things that are a problem --- like vertigo, fatigue, the swallowing problem, weird skin sensations etc etc -- you know all that bonus stuff that we get with fibromyalgia.

TLOML and I seem to go from strength to strength in our relationship.  There is not a moment of any day when I don't feel like the luckiest woman on earth.  Neither of us is perfect but there is something pretty damn close to perfect about our relationship.  If we have a spat we get over it quickly and no one holds a grudge, we enjoy a lot of the same things, I get along well with her friends and her family, basically we have a lovely life.  The nights are chilly at the moment and we get excited that we are going to be able to snuggle and spend the night close to each other.  Almost every day when I pick her up from work we take the dogs to the beach.  I'm slow but I have built up the distance I can walk and we stroll hand in hand talking about our day and enjoying the dogs together.  It really is one of my greatest joys.

Now I have to tell you a bit about the dogs.  TLOML already had a dog when I moved in and she is a fabulous dog!  Her name is Venus and she is mostly fox terrier with a bit of kelpie probably.  She's very obedient, affectionate, lovable and easy to get along with but she is getting on a bit and has grey on her nose and around her eyes.  In the US I had a dog I LOVED called Sergio but I couldn't bring him home to Australia, even if I could have afforded the $3,000 I couldn't have stood him being in quarantine for 6 weeks!  He stayed with my ex who loves him and has a great home for him, but I still miss him.  So I mentioned to TLOML that I would like to think about getting another dog so that Venus can train it before she gets too old to play.  I started looking on the RSPCA site - I really believe in rescuing a dog if you can!  Then I found this young female dog called Misty who was described as a Maltese cross.  She is black and white and fluffy.  That night I showed TLOML Misty online and she agreed that she would be the one she would be most interested in too.  The next day I had a doctors appointment for some xrays on the mainland (free floating bone fragments in my ankle Yippee!) and I popped out to the RSPCA and met Misty.  OMG she was so cute!  Unfortunately the staff informed me that there were two people who had expressed an interest in her ahead of me.  I put my name down as interested and asked them to find out if the others were going to adopt her because if they didn't I was pretty sure we would.  Later that week it was confirmed that the other people couldn't proceed at the moment and if we wanted her we could have her.  So I took TLOML to the RSPCA on Saturday morning and watched her fall in love with the scruffy little bundle too.

Here she is on her first day with us - at the petshop buying her collar and lead before heading home to the island!

Neither TLOML nor I liked the name Misty so we decided to call her Frizby which sounds kind of similar but is cuter and more fun.

Venus (on the left) is teaching Frizby where to wait when we are in the kitchen.

Mostly now we just call her Frizzy or Frizzball or Frizz and she is absolutely wonderful!  At first TLOML was adamant that Frizby would be my responsibility and I would bear all the costs (blah blah blah) which would have been fine with me but I thought it might be nicer if we adopted her together.  It seemed that the idea of knowing which dog belongs to whom kind of presumes that one day we will split up and I don't ever want that to happen!  I mentioned this, with the note that it isn't about the money, and TLOML agreed. So now both dogs are OURS!  It has really been a lovely bonding experience and we both think it was by far the best decision.  We think she might be some sort of Poodle/Shih Tzu/Maltese cross but who knows, she doesn't have a squashed in face like a Shih Tzu and she is bigger than either them or a Maltese...She is like a lamb more than anything else!  So now we are in love not only with each other but also with the dogs.

So there you go... living in bliss is not really the stuff of great blogs I guess... my life is filled with laughter and love and lots of fun too, The Boy is busy in Sydney and I wish we had more contact but other than that, oh yeah and the nagging chronic pain, everything is perfect!

X is for eXtra eXausted!

Off to town today with the dogger to have her vet check.  Frizby is fine!  Had lunch with TLOML's son which went very well...  I'm too tired to dick around trying to think of X words when there are so few...

eXtraordinary and eXasperated
are both very long
neither is right and both are wrong.

W is for Frizby's Frightening Foray

OMG this morning began from a lying down start with Frizby taking off into the Wild.  She was playing with the  dog across the street, Pee Wee, when they ran off somewhere...  Off on foot Went I, Waking the neighbours With my Wicked Whistle and my Worried Woops.  Half an hour later still no sign of Frizby but PeeWee had come home...  TLOML called in late to Work and We jumped in Shermie and Went further afield searching for the baby.  Finally a Woman said she had seen her and tried to catch her and that Frizby was too frightened to come to her.  She pointed off into a Wide field that led to a WaterWay and TLOML headed in that direction while I drove home, she still Wasn't there, and then Went to the other side near the creek...  I couldn't find her nor could I hear TLOML calling out - back to the car and driving back towards home I saw her Waving Wildly and With her Was the Wanton Wretch.  I could have cried with relief!  She Was covered With sticky seeds and filthy!  What a Worrying start to the day!  My throat is sore with calling out and by 8.30am I'm already exhausted!

Frizby is now grounded!  No more playing with Pee Wee for her!

Willful and Willing
describe our new pup
I wanted to sleep but I had to get up

S is for Splendiforous and Serendipitous too!

TLOML and I have been considering an addition to the family... Some Say it is too Soon but we are Sure - So Saturday being the day today we Stepped into the Strange and Selected a Simply Superb Stray from the rSpca!

She is quite Something and we are Surprised She had not been Snapped up Sooner!  Soooooo  She is now Safely Situated here and we are Smitten!  Her name is Frizby BTW and She is about 14 months old, fluffy black and white, Shitzhu X Maltese... Soft... Sweet... and Spoiled already!

Safety and Shelter
might be akin
but our bed is much Softer than the Shelter She was in

R is for Really Really wonderful*

Radiant, Resplendent, and Ravishing - how we Relish the moments when we can Realize any of those Representations.  I have Recognized them in others but Rarely in myself.  I was, however, one of those women who "glow" when Reproducing so I had nine months of Radiance while carrying The Boy.

I Remember when I started this blog I Requested a partner with sparkling eyes...  TLOML has Relucent Refulgent (now there is a word that sounds VERY different from its meaning!) blue eyes and I Respond with Rosy Rapture every time they Reflect in my direction.

Retain and Restrain
are like days of old
one means to keep and the other to hold

*TLOML and The Nurse will Recollect this Reference

N is for Tipsy but Not for sober!

Finally Finished (oops those are F's) my workshop.  It was Fabulous but Fatiguing (yikes it happened again). Now this week I have a Noxious Nasty essay due and I Need to get a high mark to make my personal target.  Got home pretty early this arvo (afternoon) and then we went to the Nurse's (phew) place to watch TV because for some weird Nefarious Notion our TV is Not working!  I had a few glasses of Nice wine out of a box and TLOML drove cause we are good girls!

Tomorrow TLOML goes back to work and I will be eNjoying my solitude (that might be a Fib (oops I did it again)).

Nice and Nasty
are somewhat diverse
but if I'm just me I don't have to rehearse.

M words are Marvelous!

M is for the Million things she gave me (Put them all together they spell MOTHER etc)
Multitudes, perhaps even Millions, of Magnificent words begin with M!

My Monogamistic (I hope) Mate today performed Miraculous and Momentous Masterpieces of Mediation to Mitigate Morose Matters Masterfully.  I'm both Moved and Markedly iMpressed!

More Uni today after a difficult and Minimal night's sleep.  It Made it hard but I Managed to Make headway regardless.  All Multi-kudos to TLOML today.

Monsters and Mobsters
sound so alike
One gives a roar and the other a strike.

L is for Locked and Loaded

As my mate Carinthia said I should Give em L... so here it is.

Uni all day today again and it was a pretty good day.  Learning Lots of really interesting stuff and getting to know some new people which is kind of cool.  L is for Love too as I'm sure many of you have thought and this is not the first time that I have talked about Love in this blog!!!

The day was ok but the evening has been Lackluster to say the Least.  Had a Lengthy and not so Lovely talk with the Love of my Life (TLOML) and I'm Leaning towards Low but it wasn't anything bad between us just Lonely Legends from my former Life.  Still Lift and Look Light because I am NOT in those Lurid Locales any Longer!

Lessons and Laughter
could be contra-indicated
so when I get both I quite often feel vindicated

PS no seasickness tonight --- phew!

K-Day nearly Killed me!

OMG what a day.

I Kaught the early ferry to town and it was ROUGH.  Out to the university and... phew day one of my Konflict Koaching Klass (sorry Kan't Kontain myself) was exhausting.  I am really fascinated by the subject and the Klass was Keen but my body is Klapped out and by the end of the day I was really struggling to Kope.  Three more days are going to Kill me.  To Komplete my Krappy feeling I got seasick on the ferry on the way home and spent the evening being tended to by the Kute and Karing LOML...  I'm lucky.

Keeping on Keeping on
might work for Rolf*
to be quite frank I'd rather play golf

*Non- Aussies might not recognize this reference to Rolf Harris a famous Australian entertainer who used the slogan Keeps on Keeping on in a long running series to TV Kommercials for a brand of paint.

I is for Irukandji Illness and Injuries

Today I went to see the GP (Dr McSincere) and I have finally decided to do something about following up the problems I am having with my right shoulder and right ankle.  It's really hard when you have a chronic pain condition to know which areas of pain are just fibro and which are actually Injuries.  My right shoulder has been extremely painful for many months and I have finally come to the conclusion that I must have hurt it.  Any time I reach back (like to put on my seat belt or to reach around to get a glass from the bedside table) I get stabbing and long lasting pain at the point of my shoulder... It isn't just fibro... So I'm off for an ultrasound and a couple of x-rays.

After the doctor I met TLOML at the beach and for the first time this season we braved the stingers and went for a swim!  Naturally this followed a check with The Nurse about how many stings there have been lately and where they occurred.  It was lovely!  Here is a picture of the tiny Irukandji that can cause so many problems for anyone unlucky enough to be stung.

Wikipedia Info on Irukandji Jellyfish

Back home I finished off another paper for University and then here I am... writing to you...

Illness and Injury

Neither is fair

But luckily for me I have the pair!

one HUNDRED blogs and HOME again!

This is the one Hundredth gonna eat worms blog.  Hard to believe I Have traveled such a Huge distance since my Humble beginnings with a single follower (myself).

Hopped on a plane (not a Helicopter) and flew Home today.  Already Hurting to be away from The Boy and all the other people we love in Sydney, still I'm Happy to be Home.  The Hike Home was Harrowing and it Hurt Heaps so it Helps to be just Hanging loose for now.

Over the next couple of days I Have Heaps of Homework for university and then starting Thursday I will be at a workshop for four days so I might be Hatching very Hasty entries in this Horse race for the next week.  Please forgive me!

Heaven and Home
Might be the one place
But it's people you love make it more than a space.

G stands for everything that's Glorious and Good (except The Boy)

Some of my Good and Gallant followers will Garner the Genuine meaning of the heading of this post, while I'm sad to say that others will only be able to Guess...  Such is the outcome of my pitiful attempts to maintain some degree of anonymity.  Today I have been both Grouchy and Grumpy and I'm sure quite Grotesque as I Grumbled and Garumphed my way through the day.  I can't entirely Guarantee the cause of this Gloom but I am sure leaving Sydney and Going back to paradise is part of the Grief... actually Grief is most likely the Guts of the issue as I prepare to leave The Boy with no plans for the next time we will see each other.  Most likely I will be back here around Christmas but still that is a Great way off.  Thus I Growl and Gripe on... and on...

Grief and Glory
are oddly related
and much worse for me when anticipated.

C is the Cutest of them all

Here we are in Sydney Calm and Concealed at TLOML's bro's house.  We Collected the rental Car and Charged through the Congestion...  It is Cool to be Carefree.  The harbour is Clingquant!( I know that is a Cryptic word but it is so Correct!).  This evening we are off to see The Boy and have Chow with The Best Friend and her Clan so that should be Completely Coruscant!

Charming, Crazy and Curt
to each I've been wed
and by all I've been hurt.

A guilty blogger...

Forgive me readers for I have sinned --- it has been bloody ages since my last blog and it was a fair while between that one and the one before.

*big bloody sigh*  I haven't been reading many blogs either so all my cyber mates are very distant and unfamiliar at the moment...  I'm sure I need a boatload of hail Herbert's to receive absolution for these sins.

Tomorrow we are going to Sydney and I have been stressed to the max (a total female dog to live with) about the trip...  I can't wait to see The Boy and I talked to him for nearly two hours yesterday on the phone which was great.  I have assignments due for University so I will need to keep studying while away.  On top of all this I have been feeling like absolute excreta for the last week or more.  Roving muscle pain that refuses to respond to anything from massage to morphine has taken up seemingly permanent residence in my body. Quite frankly it just sucks, to be honest.

TLOML has been wonderful as usual but even she has not escaped my irritation and my moody, PMS'y, I'm sick of hurting, unreasonable wrath.  She's pretty good but isn't quite rivaling Mother Theresa for sainthood so there have been a few snappy exchanges.  Fortunately we do manage to get over it very quickly and we are forgiving of each other.

The weather here has become incredibly beautiful; brilliant blue skies, warm but not as hot and humid, glistening sea, lush green gardens and bush (from all the rain we were having a few weeks ago)... quite frankly if I wasn't so keen to see The Boy I would rather stay here right now than go away.  I'm sure once we are underway I will relax a bit and that I will actually enjoy it but it's kind of hard to think of traveling for pleasure when I have been so haunted lately.

So I don't blog because I feel like I am boring and grumpy and incapable of seeing anything in an interesting and amusing way... and then I lose touch and blah blah blah....  well there you go...

I will try to do better, I promise.

Heigh Ho Heigh Ho...

It's off to Uni I go...

Oh dear, wouldn't you know it?

Here I am about to begin the second weekend workshop (there are a bunch of assessments tied to this weekend) and I'm sore all over.  It started last night, a bit like the voodoo doll stuff, randomly roving pains.  I drugged up at bedtime and was too tired to drive TLOML to work this morning.  I am pouting because this is the first time I haven't driven her down and picked her up since I have been here.  She took the car while I slept.

So now I am awake and all my muscles feel like muscles feel after they have had a really sharp cramp...  you know that feeling?  That tender ache that feels fragile and unstable?  It feels like at any moment the muscles might suddenly decide to screw themselves up like a Chinese burn and torture me just for fun!

I'm not sure what time I need to leave this afternoon.  It's TLOMY's early off afternoon so she will be home soon.  The dogger and I are sacked out on the bed wishing she was here.  We are a pathetic little pair.  I really should take the 3pm ferry but I am going to leave it for the 4.25pm - when I feel like this I can't take the extra hour and a half tacked onto my evening.  I'll also have to leave early to get the 9.00pm home cause waiting until the 10.30 would kill me.  Not much good am I?  Today 4.25 to 9.30 is already going to be too long away from horizontal.  I wish I could call in sick.

We have to do some kind of group presentation this evening and I am so unprepared...  As a group we have had minimal contact but one of the clever clogs has unilaterally decided we are going to do a role play and apparently she has a script running through her head... (can you bluetooth a script from one person's head to another yet?)  Oh well, it's a good thing that life is such a grand adventure - no doubt all will be revealed some time this evening.

This gecko on the lantern the other night was almost transparent...  You could see her belly full of the nighttime insects she was catching.  Unfortunately my phone is not quite a good enough camera to capture her perfectly.

Oh - I did manage to suck it up and get some real study done yesterday so I don't feel quite as guilty as I did when I wrote about my avoidant behaviour.  (I still haven't tackled the roman blinds though.)

I think this blog sounds disjointed and haphazard... unfortunately that is the way I'm feeling at the moment too.  I feel like I was built by a committee!

Feeling old... Defensive walking...

Age is a funny thing it's relative, personal, and it's tied to time which is such an elastic concept that there seems to be no rhyme or reason.  The passage of time is completely esoteric.  You certainly can't pin it down.

Yesterday The Best Friend had a birthday.  She was treated to the dubious pleasure of TLOML and I singing Happy Birthday onto her answering machine.  The Best Friend was one of the youngest women in our class at school.  In June I will turn 50 and TLOML hits her half century in November.  Strangely,The Chef, who was featured recently in a newspaper article has managed to only be 47....  Hmmm very interesting, cause I am almost certain that she was actually older than me!   LOL.  Oh well, we know that there are some things that can halt the passage of time and most of them have to do with wealth and fame.  I don't blame The Chef really; after all, 50 is a VERY BIG number!

Jazz, my blogging fibro sister, has written a great blog about feeling older than she is and rather than repeat all the things I wanted to say that she has already said I will just link to her here (I'm sure she won't mind).  It's a great blog.  So often I have ideas fermenting in my brain getting close to becoming a blog and Jazz will jump in just before I am ready to write it and steal all my thunder!  Sometimes we seem to be eerily in sync.

My take on this feeling older actually needs to be credited to a conversation I had with The Best Friend a couple of months ago.  She pointed out the way elderly people negotiate their way through a crowd.  Many/most/perhaps all seniors move near other people with a visible hyper-vigilance.  This isn't "defensive driving", it's "defensive walking".  Keeping a very close eye on anyone else who is moving nearby and testing the ground before putting all weight on the leading foot has become a way of life for me.  I get it, I really get how elderly people feel out in the world.  I know what it's like to fear an accidental bump with a stranger - I know because it hurts!  It hurts like (insert expletive of your choice) when I get jostled in a stupidmarket queue or when someone laughing unexpectedly steps back into me and it triggers a series of painful spasms that radiate from either the site of impact or from the part of me that moves unexpectedly to save myself.  I now travel the world with the wary, skepticism of a bona fide Methuselah!

When I was a kid I never took a staircase at less than two steps at a time; almost every time I ran down steps I would jump down the last five or six.  I touched a banister only to vault out of the stairs or down to the next flight.  There were two speeds, flat out and stopped.  Those days are gone.  Now I traverse the globe with care, caution, and a desperate desire to anticipate the movements of any other things that move!

Last night I knocked over a glass of water.  Startled myself which hurt my back.  Dropped to my knees to wipe up the spillage which caused stabbing pains to explode from both knees.  Reached under the bed with the bathmat and seriously popped some kind of tendon in my right shoulder.  Then stood up and collapsed on the bed groaning in pain.... see what happens when I am surprised?  Thank goodness TLOML was there to take over and clean up my mess.  The knees and shoulder have yet to relent.  So do I feel older than I am - damn straight I do.  Do I move like someone older than I am - pretty much all the time (unless I forget or react and do something like I did with wiping up the spill last night).  Do I have that suspicious hyper-vigilance about how other people are moving?  Yep, I do.

So to all my geriatric followers (of whom I have none) I get it!  I know you are careful and that the cranky look on your face is actually fear.  I, like you, fear the unexpected.  I don't need to bungee jump for thrills - walking through a crowd is about as much excitement as I can stand!