Thursday, 17 November 2011

Homeward bound, I wish I were...

The new med I'm taking has made me even more exhausted than usual and perhaps it is also making me depressed...  It wouldn't be the first time an anti-depressant had a depressing effect on me.  Wellbutrin made me cry all the time...  I'm at the point (having taken it 3 times) where I am wondering if I should tell Professor McCool that it is having a negative impact.  Being 3pm on a Friday afternoon I really need to make my mind up.

Today I received two almost identical emails both with the heading "Hello" both somewhat unexpected.  One from my gay brother and the other from my step-sister.  Both were inquiring if I am going to make it to Christmas.  It must have been Check On Displaced Day.  Hmmm.  I mentioned this to both of them and my step-sister insists that it is pure coincidence.

Well, I just put in a quick call to McCool and after being routed to the wrong number 4 times I actually got his office where he personally answered the phone!  He says to persevere and that the tiredness will pass in a week or so.   He asked if I was suicidal.  I've probably been asked that about 5 times this week.  I'm not suicidal.  I would never do that to my son.  I couldn't leave him with that legacy.  Although to be honest, other than him I sometimes wonder, 'what's the point?'

I do have a purpose though, at least for now...  Shortly I am going to drag my sorry arse out of bed and go and pick up The Boy from the train station.  Then I'm taking him back to The Best Friend's house and I'm going to hang out there for a while.  She will make me laugh.

An interesting thing has been going on lately.  I have reconnected with an old school friend (not one mentioned before) and we have been chatting online late in the evenings.  I don't want to make too much of this but it seems for some reason, that is yet to be revealed, this connection is important to both of us.  I actually think about our interaction during the day and even, dare I say it, look forward to our talks.
I wonder if there are people who are like the human equivalent of "comfort food"?
I pose this theory;-
We have a great deal in common (socio-economic background, very similar education, daughters of divorced houses, we have the same unusual name (girls called Displaced are pretty unusual), we are both lesbians, we are both single)
We shared a brief period of time when we were girls/young women (we sat next to each other in class, we belonged to the same school clubs)
We were both kind girls at a time when girls were often so horrible to each other.
We both hated the same teacher... and she hated us!
I wonder if we are comforting to each other in some way, like the smell of baking bread or apple pie might be if your granny had been a baker.  My self esteem is so low at the moment I can't imagine that anyone would be interested in me in any way other than as a friend, I have so little to offer, so little to bring to the table...

So now I need to express my gratitude... The Boy, The Best Friend, The New Connection, The Reader, The Horsewoman, Dr McLovely, Professor McCool, you are all helping me get through this low period in my life and I am grateful for you all.  I am also grateful for my online friends/readers/fellow bloggers - in particular my Fibro Sisters Jazz and Kathy and the coolest advocate of all Sarah... and never to be forgotten My Pseudo!


  1. Hey Displaced- great posting (as usual!).

    Thanks for sharing your current feelings, and your experience on the Wellbutrin. I hope it smoothes out for you soon, or that you are able to try something that doesn't make you feel worse. Meds can be a difficult road sometimes... *virtual hug*.

    Keep looking on the bright side, my new friend. It's so very important when dealing with chronic illness. When things are at their lowest, turn your thoughts to what you love most- your boy, your dear friends, and even little things that make you smile and enrich you (for me it's animals, they keep me going when I wonder what the hell the point is).

    You are a dear soul, never forget it. Reach out when you feel crappy- we are all here for you, holding onto you when things go badly. We are all in this one together.

    Gentle hugs and warm thoughts coming your way. You are very much appreciated. I am thankful for you, and for being able to share the good and bad. One breath, one day at a time, my friend.


  2. Well, that explains why you always seem preoccupied when you're online :)

  3. Jazz- thank you for such a supportive response, I'm glad you are there!
    Kerry - any preoccupation you see is fuzzy headedness from the meds, but I haven't really seen you since any of this started... thanks :)

  4. So many people coming together in your life, caring about you - I hope this means a positive turnaround in your life ... and your physical condition with the help of Professor McCool and Dr McLovely :-)