Being Grateful!

I shared this on Facebook this morning and it got me thinking that I probably could do with a gratitude list - so here it is!

When I lived in the US once a year we would have what was usually an orphan's Thanksgiving dinner.  We invited anyone we knew who couldn't go to their own family... for whatever reason...  Always there were people there whom I had never met, frequently there were people who spoke no English, and usually very few of those present knew each other.  We ate - huge meals of turkey, with lashings of vegetables and then desserts; and we drank - significant quantities of wine usually.  The funniest time was when we invited this Moroccan guy, Adi, who was married to an American acquaintance... his wife was away on an academic appointment and so he was going to be home alone.  Adi was a great dinner guest but I must confess to fits of uncontrollable giggles (wine assisted I'm sure) overtaking me when he brought out his slide projector and started showing us a travelogue of the tour he was selling to Morroco!  He had printed sheets for us and our other guests to sign up there and then - everything but the credit card machine!  Another time we had two Korean students (they were at law school with a friend of ours) and one of them brought her mother who spoke no English - the poor woman (who remained sober) was quite overwhelmed by the raucous, inebriated volume of our laughter and conversation.  One of the memorable components of each of these cacophonous gatherings was the pause before we actually ate when we would go around the table and each say a few words about the things that year had delivered for which we were grateful.  I kind of miss that... the breath to think about only the benefits... the moment to rise beyond the irritations of daily life and look at the more important truths...

Charlie Brown and Snoopy can't even hope to be grateful every day for everything - but how about being grateful today for the good stuff?

I am grateful for (in non-significant order)

• being Australian
• living in a country where (in spite of constant attacks from the right wing, big money, and big finance) there is still a system of universal education, welfare, and healthcare
• having in my life a plethora of interesting, intelligent, like-minded people who believe in taking care of those who have harder roads, the earth, the animals, the ocean...  I am grateful for their passion and their staunch beliefs
• every day in every way I am grateful for my parents and my upbringing most especially my mother who is omnipresent in my thoughts in spite of the nearly 4 years that have passed since she died
• The Boy - OMG I am so grateful for The Boy - when life has reached its lowest ebb it is his existence that has enabled me to survive (as a side note he is doing incredibly well at the moment and has been promoted to supervisor only half way through his traineeship - it doubles his salary and the company has put him in the very best location in their flagship store - starting the day before his 19th birthday The Boy is on his way!)  I am so very fortunate that all my crappy decisions didn't manage to screw him up too much!
• the dogs.  Frizby and Venus add so much to my daily life especially in the production of endorphins I'm sure.  I adore the babies and I love that TLOML and I are both loving them together
• The Best Friend - anyone who has read this blog before knows what a jackpot I have won with her, I am forever in her debt for the help she has given The Boy and I am so lucky to have her friendship
• the chooks who give us lovely fresh eggs but who more importantly give me pleasure and make me feel all warm and fuzzy and entertained
• opportunity - just when I thought I was pretty much out to pasture from now on I have had yet another opportunity land in my lap - work I can do while lying in bed, that furthers my studies and enhances my resume while paying me a good casual wage... just a few hours a week but that is about all I have in me anyway...  Out of nowhere here comes another chance to feel success
• my intelligence and my ability to write - I'm not meaning to sound arrogant but I would be remiss if I failed to be thankful for these undeserved (and frequently misused) gifts
• The Nurse - how lucky am I that I come to a strange place, where I only know TLOML, and I find in her friend someone who is so wonderful and so accepting of me - someone who has been open to allow us to develop our own relationship and whom I just adore!  (she loves me too!)  Serendipity at it's finest.
• TLOML's youngest son - his presence makes me feel just a little less pain about being so far away from The Boy; his humour clicks with mine and I am grateful for the moments when our eyes meet with understanding and laughter.  I am also grateful for the fact that we just 'get' each other and that he forgives my grumpy moods.  He can be a shit of a kid (can't they all?) but I really love him and that is something worthy of gratitude!
• his father - how cool is it to really enjoy your partner's ex?
• my health - I know this sounds strange being that I have a chronic illness but it's true - even though I am in constant pain and I never feel great, I'm actually quite healthy in other ways... I rarely catch colds or viruses and my constitution is strong - good heart, low blood pressure, and all this in spite of the terrible things I have inflicted upon my system over the years...
• Facebook - without FB I would not be able to maintain solid and consistent relationships with the many friends I love all over the world - I can't hug them but we can interact and correspond and KNOW that we think of each other with love and fondness.  Also it was Facebook that brought TLOML back into my life and I will thank FB forever for that.
• my friends who are scattered so far and wide - loving them makes me feel good
• good food!  Here in Australia we are lucky to have terrific fresh produce, meats, seafood and anything else we might want.  I'm learning to cook (after decades of avoiding it vehemently), I'm almost enjoying it and we sure do get to eat well!
• TLOML - I've carried on enough in these pages about how fortunate I am to have met this crazy wonderful woman... we have our ups and downs, our moments of pique, and yet we just roll on past them - not dragging them on like extra carriages of cargo - they are shunted off onto a siding never to be seen again...  she shares without question her life, her house (which is now our home), her friends, and her family, and my life has a depth of pleasure and a richness I never expected to experience again.

I'm sure I have missed stuff, it is by no means a complete list - off the top of my head these are the biggies...

I think it's good for us all to spend time occasionally thinking only of the good stuff - let all the nasty stuff go -- for the most part, you can't change it anyway so why dwell on it?  I'm not convinced of the power of positive thinking and I can be a bit of a pessimistic optimist at times (hope for the best and plan for the worst) but really a few minutes dedicated to thinking only the stuff that feels good is really healthy!

Thanks to any of you out there who bother to read this and comment -- I love you too!

Thank Herbert for it all!

Good News Monday!

I know I am an unforgivably slack blogger.  I ask for no forgiveness and I know my apologies are not nearly sufficient.

That said -- I have been BUSY!!!

Chronological order usually seems like the best way to relay a narrative account of events but not today I have news I am busting to share!

I just handed in an assignment to the University (one that I suspect is inferior in quality, unfortunately) and as I opened my uni email to send the assignment in I found several emails from the Director of the Master of Conflict and Dispute Resolution Program in which I am studying.  One was giving me a mark for the last subject I finished and I was STUNNED to discover that I had achieved a High Distinction on each of the components and therefore my first HD for a whole course!!!  Yippee was I completely surprised I thought my final assignment on that subject was  a load of tripe and onions.  I also had an email giving me a totaled mark for the subject I finished before that (in this case I got an HD for the major assignment but a Credit for an earlier piece of work gave me a Distinction average).  None of this is THE good news...

I also had an email from this professor advising me that she has received funding for a part time research assistant and asking IF I AM INTERESTED!!!!

Does the Pontiff wear a silly hat?
Is a duck's bum watertight?
Are polka dot bikinis itsy bitsy and teeny weeny?

Of course I am bloody interested!

I don't know too much yet - the project is looking at conflict between PhD Students and their Supervisors.  Both of the lecturers involved in the project know me and know that I have health issues and problems with endurance, they are both quite flexible, so I'm pretty sure they would be flexible and quite possibly some of the work would be able to be done remotely (coming to you live from my bedroom!).  Anyway, it's very exciting and here's hoping... it could be the inauspicious beginning of my academic career!

OK now to some newsy stuff...  at the end of June I celebrated my 50th birthday.  I had a lovely day with TLOML pottering around in town and shopping at the hardware shop (the Aussie version of Homo Depot). I can't really remember why we were there but we got some fairy lights for the party and a solar powered pair of spotlights that now light up the back yard on a movement sensor.  We had spent the week leading up to the birthday cleaning, sorting, tidying, decorating and generally finally moving me in.  The Nurse (whom I adore more every day) gave me, as my birthday present, 6 hours of her labour and came the day before my birthday and got so much done I was amazed!  I am returning the favour now by giving her some handy work on an as needed basis - already I think I will put in a new toilet roll holder and there is some other stuff she wants me to do.  A great idea cause we get to hang out together - get stuff done - save money - and make each other feel good -- Wins all around!

We had a lovely visit from The Actress, The Percussionist and their daughter for a few days and a quite small party the day after my birthday.  One night while the visitors were here we went in the evening to a place called West Point to watch the sunset.  TLOML's ex (who I am just crazy about as I have said here before) came and brought his guitar and his mandolin, their son (Who would have thought I could find a kindred spirit in a 15 year old boy?) built a fire on the beach and I got absolutely sloshed and sang all evening.  It has been a LONG LONG time since I enjoyed something like that!  Here are a couple of pics...

It was the most wonderful evening.

I still miss The Boy and I wish he were closer - he is doing so well fending for himself (well almost he still has the watchful eye of The Best Friend not too far away thank Herbert!).  I feel a real sense of pride in him and I'm so impressed with how well he is approaching his work and his responsibilities.  One of the head honcho's at his work (big position about five levels of management above The Boy) singled him out to come in for a chat and talked about his goals and how he is enjoying his work.  There is even a strong possibility that he might get promoted into a supervisory role before the end of his traineeship.  I feel so incredibly fortunate in that area because Herbert knows I made more than my share of parental mistakes and still managed not to totally break him - by good luck not good management!  We Skype'd for a while the other day which is a pretty good substitute for being together.  He turns 19 in a couple of weeks... how the years have flown!

Things are going well with TLOML.  We hit an occasional bump but we seem to bounce back pretty well...  There is a lot of love and understanding between us... The dogs (our shared babies) are a constant source of joy, amusement and aggravation (that would be Frizby delivering that part) and we have to control ourselves from talking about them all the time when we are with other people.  I have also been twice to the produce store to acquire some new chooks (chickens) and today is the first time we have had TWO EGGS!!!  She calls me "The Chook Whisperer" when I sneek out at night to make sure the new chookies have not been excluded from the perch (I pick them up and put them on the perch for the night).

Pastoral, peaceful, pleasant, playful, pleasing and paradisical... (unfortunately still painful too, but c'est la vie).

I think island life agrees with me....

On the water

Riding across from the island this morning on the ferry I was struck (as I often am) with the beauty of the place where I live.  The sea was glistening, the air was crisp - but not cold - and the golden light of early morning revealed the gullies and crags of the surrounding landscape.  I sat on the upper deck- alone - and viewed the world as if I were a tourist.
This brought to mind the many times I have been a tourist on boats.  The ferry to Madeline Island off the northern coast of Wisconsin in my beloved Lake Superior - the car ferry to Bainbridge Island across Puget Sound from Seattle - sightseeing on Milford Sound in New Zealand - funny old rusty ships to the Greek Islands when I was a child and car ferries across the English Channel on the same trip - canal boats in Amsterdam - a cruise ship sailing into Cape Town - for that matter the first time I rode the ferry to Magnetic Island back in the mid 1980's when I was young, fit and invincible...  What beautiful sights I have seen from the water!
It is a long love affair, this relationship with the water...  I rode a ferry across Sydney Harbour to school for 7 years and I always loved it. The relaxation of a leisurely trip across the water releases the tensions of the day and creates a separation between home and the outside world.  This afternoon on the ferry I enjoyed a lively and cheerful conversation with a woman a barely know and another I have never been introduced to, as we pulled up to the wharf on the island I saw TLOML's ex, who always makes me smile, poking his tongue out out me because I had failed to see him sooner.  There is no one who could have mistaken the genuine pleasure that showed on my face when I saw him.  He is a wonderful guy and I really like him!  TLOML was there to pick me up in Shermie, with both the dogs wagging their tails and happy to see me.  We went right to the beach and walked for a while as the last of the daylight faded from the sky.  It's not bad living on an island in paradise, especially not when the rest of Australia is suffering through a chilly winter and I am warm on a beach in shirts-sleeves at dusk.
The ex of TLOML (P) brings me to another point...  Now I have never been a man hater, a separatist, or in any way anti-men (after all I do have a son!) but as a general rule, throughout my adult life, I have not really made friends with all that many men.  I have a very close friend in Minnesota, a gay guy I used to work with, but other than him most of my friends have always been women.  Here things are different.  In all my life I have never met so many men who I REALLY REALLY like!  This place is full of beautiful, gentle, men.  Three of my favourites have the same name (P) LOL and quite frankly there is another P, who I don't know very well, but who I really like too!  Up until moving here I would really have only counted The Best Friend's hubby, The Optimist, and The Actress's hubby, The Percussionist, among my favourite people - men were very poorly represented!  This is no longer the case.  Now I know that the rest of the good guys were hiding up here!
OK gang - Day Two is done - only one to go (of my stint over at the University)... I think I can... I think I can...  I know that the ride on the ferry adds time to my long and tiring days... but there is something else that it adds which more than makes up for the deficit...  It gives me a boost to the spirit and a lift to the heart.

But I am very glad to be home.

It's about time, it's about dogs...

Well back in April I undertook the A - Z blog challenge because my blogging was flagging a bit and it seems that rather than give me a kick start (as I intended) it exhausted my creativity and caused me to need nearly a month off blogging!  Never fear - I have returned!

I must confess life has been rather busy of late.  I am working on my masters - not nearly as much as I should be - but I am doing it.  I've finished the first subject, am in progress with two at the moment and I'm about to start my fourth.  Then I will be half way through!  It's very interesting learning about conflict, mediation, and all that other alternative dispute resolution stuff.  Although I must confess that it is a bit difficult doing this when I am not working.  Hanging out in paradise with TLOML and the dogs just doesn't give me all that much food for thought in the conflict department.

Healthwise I think I am doing somewhat better than I was six months ago.  The pain levels are not good at all even though I'm taking much better pain meds and I'm almost constantly maintaining a level of pain medication to knock the worst of it down.  I can feel the pain killer I took this morning has worn off and I'm getting those nasty roving cramps that make everything else hard.  On the upside I have had far less issues with the other things that are a problem --- like vertigo, fatigue, the swallowing problem, weird skin sensations etc etc -- you know all that bonus stuff that we get with fibromyalgia.

TLOML and I seem to go from strength to strength in our relationship.  There is not a moment of any day when I don't feel like the luckiest woman on earth.  Neither of us is perfect but there is something pretty damn close to perfect about our relationship.  If we have a spat we get over it quickly and no one holds a grudge, we enjoy a lot of the same things, I get along well with her friends and her family, basically we have a lovely life.  The nights are chilly at the moment and we get excited that we are going to be able to snuggle and spend the night close to each other.  Almost every day when I pick her up from work we take the dogs to the beach.  I'm slow but I have built up the distance I can walk and we stroll hand in hand talking about our day and enjoying the dogs together.  It really is one of my greatest joys.

Now I have to tell you a bit about the dogs.  TLOML already had a dog when I moved in and she is a fabulous dog!  Her name is Venus and she is mostly fox terrier with a bit of kelpie probably.  She's very obedient, affectionate, lovable and easy to get along with but she is getting on a bit and has grey on her nose and around her eyes.  In the US I had a dog I LOVED called Sergio but I couldn't bring him home to Australia, even if I could have afforded the $3,000 I couldn't have stood him being in quarantine for 6 weeks!  He stayed with my ex who loves him and has a great home for him, but I still miss him.  So I mentioned to TLOML that I would like to think about getting another dog so that Venus can train it before she gets too old to play.  I started looking on the RSPCA site - I really believe in rescuing a dog if you can!  Then I found this young female dog called Misty who was described as a Maltese cross.  She is black and white and fluffy.  That night I showed TLOML Misty online and she agreed that she would be the one she would be most interested in too.  The next day I had a doctors appointment for some xrays on the mainland (free floating bone fragments in my ankle Yippee!) and I popped out to the RSPCA and met Misty.  OMG she was so cute!  Unfortunately the staff informed me that there were two people who had expressed an interest in her ahead of me.  I put my name down as interested and asked them to find out if the others were going to adopt her because if they didn't I was pretty sure we would.  Later that week it was confirmed that the other people couldn't proceed at the moment and if we wanted her we could have her.  So I took TLOML to the RSPCA on Saturday morning and watched her fall in love with the scruffy little bundle too.

Here she is on her first day with us - at the petshop buying her collar and lead before heading home to the island!

Neither TLOML nor I liked the name Misty so we decided to call her Frizby which sounds kind of similar but is cuter and more fun.

Venus (on the left) is teaching Frizby where to wait when we are in the kitchen.

Mostly now we just call her Frizzy or Frizzball or Frizz and she is absolutely wonderful!  At first TLOML was adamant that Frizby would be my responsibility and I would bear all the costs (blah blah blah) which would have been fine with me but I thought it might be nicer if we adopted her together.  It seemed that the idea of knowing which dog belongs to whom kind of presumes that one day we will split up and I don't ever want that to happen!  I mentioned this, with the note that it isn't about the money, and TLOML agreed. So now both dogs are OURS!  It has really been a lovely bonding experience and we both think it was by far the best decision.  We think she might be some sort of Poodle/Shih Tzu/Maltese cross but who knows, she doesn't have a squashed in face like a Shih Tzu and she is bigger than either them or a Maltese...She is like a lamb more than anything else!  So now we are in love not only with each other but also with the dogs.

So there you go... living in bliss is not really the stuff of great blogs I guess... my life is filled with laughter and love and lots of fun too, The Boy is busy in Sydney and I wish we had more contact but other than that, oh yeah and the nagging chronic pain, everything is perfect!

one HUNDRED blogs and HOME again!

This is the one Hundredth gonna eat worms blog.  Hard to believe I Have traveled such a Huge distance since my Humble beginnings with a single follower (myself).

Hopped on a plane (not a Helicopter) and flew Home today.  Already Hurting to be away from The Boy and all the other people we love in Sydney, still I'm Happy to be Home.  The Hike Home was Harrowing and it Hurt Heaps so it Helps to be just Hanging loose for now.

Over the next couple of days I Have Heaps of Homework for university and then starting Thursday I will be at a workshop for four days so I might be Hatching very Hasty entries in this Horse race for the next week.  Please forgive me!

Heaven and Home
Might be the one place
But it's people you love make it more than a space.

Fantastic fantasy

First let me make some excuses for not having blogged lately...  It is partly that I have University work to do, partly that I feel kind of boring with nothing to report and partly that I have yet again developed a mild obsession with genealogical research.  (Mostly I guess I am just slack).

Health check in - very VERY up and down... one weird thing that is bothering me is that I have a strange metallic taste on the tip of my tongue and about the bottom inch of my tongue ( to the tip) has altered taste sensation and feels odd and maybe is a bit numb.  I have been noticing this for quite a while but it has become increasingly irritating over the last few weeks.  My presumption at this stage is that it is most likely a drug side effect so I am starting to isolate meds and stop taking them (yes I will be good and taper etc).,  The good news in this is that the my new GP, Dr Sincere, has finally given me some better pain relief in the form of Tramadol and so I don't have to keep struggling on with the codeine which has always resulted in more irritation than benefit!  Even better is that the tongue issue was happening before Tramadol so I it is not the culprit!  Now I probably need to make it clear, before my loving and adoring fans become desperately concerned about my possible addiction, I try to get by with no pain killers most of the time.  This is just for the really nasty breakthrough pain when I just can't stand it any more.  I am NOT about to start any regular pain medication if I can possibly avoid it!

Shermie, my car, had a flat tyre this morning...  That was upsetting.  Fifty dollars later (and drenched) we are underway again.  I am going to have to re-register Shermie in my new state which is going to be expensive.  We also have a trip to Sydney coming up in a couple of weeks which will be a bit of a financial drain, so money worries are causing some anxiety.

The "Wet Season" has been living up to its name lately.  This little island has been washed and rinsed so many times in the last week that I think we are all growing webbed feet!  I can't begin to guess how many inches of rain have fallen in the last couple of weeks but it is LOTS!!!  This means that all the creeks are running like crazy.  Yesterday, Sunday, in spite of the rain TLOML and I decided (at her suggestion) to go and swim in one of the waterfall pools.  OMG it was so beautiful.  The water was cool but not cold.  We were completely alone for the entire time we were there.  I wanted TLOML to strip off and run through the bush and over the rocks like a wood nymph but she refused to oblige...(Oh well it was worth a try!)  It was sublime...  To have such a spectacular place, where the water has gushed for millennia, entirely to ourselves!

One of the many wonderful things about TLOML is her unquenchable sense of wonder, another is her unfailing appreciation of beauty, and a third is her truly deep rooted gratitude for the gifts we are given.  How fortunate we are to be Australians and to have places like this to experience and appreciate!

This is the spot but it was really full of water and the rocks in the foreground were submerged.

I am still totally incredulous that my life has taken this turn for the fabulous.  TLOML and I are going from strength to strength.  We have still never had an argument and the challenges that we have faced (that include some very serious stuff) have been external.  I can't believe this happiness is mine!  I am boring I say it so often!  Literally, (and I do know what that means) I can't believe it!  I've had a terrible string of stressful and difficult times in my life that began when I left Australia.  Ghastly relationships, financial ruin, the loss of my parents, developing a chronic debilitating condition...  The twenty-first century has not been easy for me.  I was incapable of seeing any kind of happy ending and I was resigned to the fact that it would just be a miserable struggle until I was done.  Quite frankly if I didn't have The Boy I would possibly have given up completely.  It is so often said that things happen when you least expect it and it could not be more true for me.  Suddenly I am in the best relationship of my life and living in paradise.  One of the reasons I don't blog as often as I used to is that I can't imagine anyone would want to read me going on about my incredible new life all the time, and yet my gratitude and wonder totally dominate my heart and mind.  Perhaps one needs to descend to the depths of despair (I love alliteration!) before finding a new source of light?  That said I'm still hurting, limited, and physically struggling, but so very, VERY, grateful for the gifts the universe (aka Herbert) has given.  Maybe pain is the shading that provides the rich contrast in the landscape of my life.

The ceaseless rain continues to fall and that's just fine!

The things I can write..

Well, here's the story - I'd like to write but I can't really talk about the thing that is dominating my thoughts at the moment.  Perhaps I can best use this forum to talk about the things that are going well.

• TLOML and I are wonderful together.  Even though we have been going through some really very difficult stuff we have supported each other pretty much seamlessly.  I could not have imagined that we would work together so well, so caringly (I know that isn't a word), when going through a crisis situation.  Our precious new relationship has faced an external assault and has proved resilient and solid.  I am astounded by her grace under pressure and by the sensitive awareness she manages to maintain even in the heat of the moment.
• I have been doing reasonably well, health wise lately.  A few days of quite bad pain here and there, some weird things (like the whack-a-mole phenomena mentioned in my last blog), and a general weakness, but mostly I would say that life in the tropics is working well for me.  This is particularly good in view of the stress of the last few days.  I know that I can have an almost immediate physical reaction to stress and fortunately it hasn't been too bad this time.  (Not long before leaving Sydney I was in a stressful situation and even while it was still happening I began to experience very acute pain in multiple areas.)
• The day before yesterday (Sunday), as part of a deliberate plan to try and relax a bit, TLOML and I went for a swim in one of the pools formed in a creek.  There has been a lot of rain lately and as a result all the creeks and waterfalls are flowing.   We slowly and carefully trekked a couple of hundred yards to an oasis of beauty.  On the way in, someone leaving pointed out a koala sitting quite low in a tree.  I have not seen a koala in the wild since I was a small child. This young fellow was hanging out in the fork of the tree watching us.  It was very exciting.  We arrived at the pool at about the same time as a young family that was climbing up the creek bed but they didn't stay long and soon we had this natural haven blessedly to ourselves.  At one point I lay back and floated, totally relaxed (for the first time in ages!), I looked up though the gum trees to a spectacular blue sky with puffy white clouds.  If it sounds idyllic it is only because it is.  About the time we were ready to leave another group arrived.... they could not have been more different from us, they had cigarettes, beers in hand, a bull dog, a boom box, and were yelling to each other.  It takes all kinds...
• Today in about an hour I will pick up TLOML from work and we are going to take the dog and explore another creek that runs into one of the bays here.  Being a weekday, and getting a fairly early start, I'm hoping we will be alone.  TLOML never hurries me or becomes irritated with me when I am slow or unsteady; she's always ready to give me a hand or a shoulder to hang onto.  About the dog - TLOML has a wonderful dog and we've become pretty close, she hangs out with me all day and then she and I share the highlight of both of our days when we go together to pick up TLOML from work.  Four bright loving eyes are waiting in the car for her which must feel pretty good!
• I feel so very fortunate to be here, to be Australian, to live in a country with boundless natural beauty, and abundance.  We did an online shopping order and bought a "Fruit Box" which is a selection of the fruit that is good at the moment.  It was a bit of a mistake and we ended up with all kinds of things we would not normally order (green apples, strawberries, cherries, red grapes etc) but it has been lovely eating my way through all the stone fruit - peaches, nectarines, apricots and plums and I even feel like I am performing a service by eating them before they go off!  The fridge is full of wonderful food, there is beauty at every turn, and I feel loved; how much better does it get than that?

I am missing The Boy, though we talk often on the phone and occasionally on skype, and I'm missing The Best Friend whose warmth and good humour saw me through all those strange and dark days.  I talked to her on the phone yesterday for quite a long time and it soothed me.  She is taking care of my boy and nurturing him for me.  

TLOML has an amazing best friend too and I really need to mention her here... I think I will call her The Nurse.  Throughout this stressful situation The Nurse has been an unfailing voice of reason and sense, she has provided direct guidance and constant support, not only of TLOML but also of me.  I can barely scratch the surface in expressing my gratitude and appreciation to her for her validation and insight.  She has welcomed me unequivocally and I value her in a multitude of ways.

So there you have it... we are taking the rough with the smooth; we are holding together and being kind to each other.  So, for someone who couldn't talk about the big issues, I seem to have managed to have plenty to say!  

Paradise and love can only go so far...

The last few days have been a bit of a trial for me.  I appear to have contracted some generic flu/cold bug of some sort that started as a sinus issue with increases in pain and fatigue.  Now it has moved to my upper respiratory tract giving me a gravelly voice and a phlegmy cough.  The problem with this is that so many of the symptoms are actually just an increase of those that already contribute to my average day.

There have been times when I have used the analogy of how one feels when one has the flu to describe the nature of the constant low level pain and fatigue that are just part of the baseline for me.  When an ordinary (read "healthy") person comes down with a bug they feel sore and tired.  They like to rest more and lie down more but they can force themselves to do a strenuous activity if they really must.  Welcome to my normal.

So here I am, happier than I have ever been in my life, enjoying paradise with fabulous food, wonderful company, and virtually no stress and feeling really quite crappy.  Yesterday was the worst day for the flu'ish feeling.  Today just feels like a quite unpleasant flare with the added pleasure of a very sore throat.

There are a lot of bugs in the tropics, ones with multiple legs, not just bacteria and viruses!  I know that seems rather obvious but when you have weird skin sensations where you feel like you are being bitten or stung for no good reason, or when you feel things walking on your skin that really aren't there, the added factor of the presence of "actual" bugs makes for a weird mindset.  I'm slapping myself too often, getting sudden stabbing pains in a tiny spot and then searching for something that caused it.  People could be forgiven for thinking my condition was psychological instead of physiological or neurological (the verdict is still out on that one re Fibromyalgia though the current theory is blaming the central nervous system) when they see me scrounging around looking for imaginary ants, spiders and beetles.

Sooooo...  I just took some pain killers and I'm getting my poop in a group for another social engagement this evening.  I have been out more since I arrived here last Tuesday than I was in four months in Sydney!  It seems that a highly social two thousand can outdo an insular five million hands down.  Of course TLOML is very social and involved in all kinds of things and in Sydney I was verging on reclusive.  The good thing is that most things are very close to home here.  TLOML and I haven't really got the "I need to go home now" signal down yet.  I don't like a big fuss and would like to be able to just slip quietly away if I'm getting too tired or sore to party on.  We are working on it.  Certainly this evening I might come home quite early (unless a couple of glasses of wine does what pain killers can't do) and I have no problem with TLOML staying on especially as we will only be a couple of blocks from home!

I have had a remarkably good run.  I managed to avoid colds and flu for well over a year including time spent on two different continents!  So I'm going to try and suck it up and have a good evening in spite of having a nasty dose of crud!

Constant amazement and the super road trip

TLOML and I just sat down to watch some TV this evening and by complete happenstance stumbled across an interview with The Chef, with whom we went to school.  I was in school with her from years 9 - 12 and TLOML was with her from Kindergarten to 8 and then 11 to 12 (the final two years of school saw us all at the same school).  We, the two Displaceds, were stunned to see The Chef on TV as neither of us had ever seen her on TV before but more to the point we wondered what she would think if she could see the two of us, laying back on the couch in our underwear, holding hands, and watching TV.  I think it would be a reasonably safe bet that we are the only two women named Displaced that The Chef has ever met.  I wrote about The Chef once before in a blog I called "Thoughts on vulnerability".  I don't suppose any of this is all that interesting aside from the fact that I am so constantly (literally) amazed by the turn my life has taken.  Suddenly I have been transformed from someone on a long run of misfortune to The Luckiest Woman In The World!

The week in Sydney was very hectic, TLOML and I had to debate a little and juggle the competing priorities of each of our friends and families.  On top of those moments of friction (that were all handled amicably and with ease) my body was freaking out a bit and was giving me a few very painful days.  Last Friday, the 13th LOL, I had my last appointment with Dr McLovely and aside from filling up with petrol she was our last stop in Sydney.  TLOML and I began our journey north.  She had said so many times "I hate long car rides!",  "I need to stop AT LEAST every two hours".  I just shook my head because I not only LOVE long road trips but I am very goal focused so I push on and delay stops as long as possible.  She had told me that she liked to relax in the morning and then head off after a leisurely layabout morning...  I had told her that I need to get the work of driving done before I will relax and do anything "leisurely".  It all looked quite foreboding!  We had five days to travel 2400km.  It seemed almost a certainty that this journey would be the cause of our first fight.

The first night was spent with my brother and his partner and that took us only about 450km out of Sydney.  The plan was to try to get up the coast in the morning so that we would have time for a swim in the surf before going to my brother's.  There are few places in the world with beaches more beautiful than the Mid North Coast of NSW.  Seemingly endless tracts of white sand and the glorious South Pacific sending in wave after wave makes it a very appealing place to anyone who enjoys body-surfing.  Everything went pretty much according to plan with one rest room stop en route and plenty of snacks that were cleverly packed by TLOML.  By mid afternoon we were swimming alone on a beautiful beach.  TLOML is particularly keen to swim where there are waves because her tropical island home is inside the Great Barrier Reef and is therefore inadequate in the wave department.  I love the surf and always have but I can't really trust myself any more.  I used to be a very strong swimmer but I have to dial it way back now and make sure that I pace myself.  The last thing I need is a big exercise induced flare while I am trying to drive up the coast!  The night with my brother was great.  We had a delicious dinner with super tender steak and vegetables.  Time slipped away far too quickly.

I woke early in the morning and found a few extra corners of space in Shermie (my car) to jam in some of my old tools that my brother's partner had been minding for me (for 12 years LOL).  I will be needing them if I am going to make myself useful around the place here.  We headed off in fairly good time.  The second night was also planned.  We needed to travel about another 450km to The Gold Coast where we were staying with TLOML's step-mother for the evening.  TLOML was pretty keen to get another swim and we were shooting for a stop at Byron Bay.  Unbeknownst to either of us Byron has been bypassed by the highway and I completely missed the turn off.  It was such an unobtrusive sign!  I was sure there would be another exit but after about 10 minutes still heading north it became apparent that there wasn't one!  Oh well Brunswick Heads would have to do.  TLOML pouted a little about missing Byron but we were in agreement that going back was too much of an inconvenience so she picked up the lip and we made for the gorgeous surf beach at Brunswick.  We had a lovely swim, the waves were a little too choppy for body surfing but it was still refreshing and invigorating.  We arrived in Surfer's Paradise with time to spare.  We had a terrific evening with TLOML's step-mum, including beautiful accommodation on the 37th floor AND dinner at a seafood buffet where I managed to consume about 100 oysters.  (I know I sound like a terrible piggy but there was a challenge involved!!!)

The third day we were planning to have an early swim in the surf and be on the road by 10am.  TLOML was having such a nice time with her step-mum that we decided to skip the swim and leave a bit later.  Still not a single cross word between us!  Step-mum (who is lovely!!!) made us the most beautiful gourmet sandwiches for the road - smoked salmon, ricotta cheese, multi-grain bread, avocado - absolutely scrumptious!  We had vaguely planned to head to the most northern surf beach in Queensland but unfortunately on this day we hit quite a lot of rain.  I was not making great time but skipping the swim allowed us to reach Rockhampton for the night.  This night was spent in a strange motel.  My Minnesotan friends would call it "different".  For a start the woman at the desk seemed so incredibly depressed that she looked like something from 'Night of the Living Dead'.  The entire outside of the motel was tiled in big pseudo travertine tiles.  When we managed to get inside the room we found that everything but the ceiling was tiled too!!!  There was a single bedside table with the name of the motel written on the top AND on the drawers in permanent marker, the jug and the bar fridge were similarly labeled.  Still the sheets were clean, TV worked and we were together!

Day four was trying because of some quite heavy rain and the almost complete lack of overtaking lanes on the two lane "highway".  The day before had featured occasional signs saying "overtaking lane in 5 km" presumably to prevent us taking big risks overtaking but on day four no such signs appeared.  I guess one saying "overtaking lane in 347 km" might not have been as effective.  We actually could have made our destination on day four with just a little more endurance but we decided to stop about an hour south.  We stayed in a nice motel and ordered food from the restaurant, none of the furniture or appliances were labeled with the motel's name so this motel appeared to have a higher standard of clientele.

Right on schedule we arrived in the morning on Day Five and were home by early afternoon.  We even unloaded the car, though doing that nearly finished me off.  I gratefully collapsed and was lovingly cared for by TLOML.

So here we are.  Still not a single argument nor a cross word.  Every decision has been reached by consensus.  It's almost freaky how well we relate and how easily we get along.   We are both quite emotional and sensitive women yet we seem to be able to help each other get through and over things more easily.  It occurred to me that we defuse each other.  Somehow we give or say the right thing at the right time.  It is almost like between us we have a self-leveling mechanism that settles and resolves the issues that each of us has sometimes struggled with alone.  It feels like we have always been together in the way that we manage to interact with virtually no anxiety.  I can truly say that I have never had any relationship, in any capacity, even in work or in friendship, that was so harmonious.  She is slender and beautiful with sparkling blue eyes that make me melt from any distance and I am completely, head over heels, besotted with her.  I'm my own flawed and dilapidated self and yet she loves me, I mean, she really loves me and constantly demonstrates it with care and affection.  Between us there is an easy flow of loving words and acts that completely back up and support the words.  Doing not just saying.  I am quite sure that we should be handing out nausea pills to anyone who has to spend time with us together.

We sometimes wonder what might have happened if a fortune teller had shown us a picture of this time and place when we were schoolgirls together 32 years ago.  We both think we would have said "Why wait?"  The interesting thing is that the answer to the question "Why wait?" was only revealed by the waiting.  We have each learned some hard lessons and seen some dark days; enough to know that something as beautiful as this needs to be cherished and protected; enough to know that, as perfect as it feels right now, there will be obstacles and difficulties we need to face together as time moves on; enough to know just how much we should appreciate each other - we know how lucky we are.

So what would The Chef think?

I hope she would be happy for us both!

A New Life Begins...

I can't believe that it is nearly two weeks since I wrote a blog...

Believe me it has been an amazing ride!

This afternoon, my car was loaded on a barge and set sail into a brisk north easterly breeze.  Poor Shermie (my car) was jam packed to the roof with all (well nearly all) of my possessions.  It was the last leg of our 2400 km journey.  We are here.  We are "we".  We are astounded, excited, and frequently delirious with delight.  I am now ensconced on the couch at TLOML's house which is now, as of today, our home.

Tomorrow, I will try to write the real story, I'm just too tired and happy to do more than write this note.

Thank you Herbert.

On the move again!

Oy Vey!

Tomorrow I am returning from the tropics to glorious Sydney.  TLOML and I are being picked up at the airport by The Best Friend, which is wonderful.  Then back to her house to see The Boy and home to The Horsewoman's house to pack up my things and get ready to move... (again)...

I think I have moved seven times in the two years that ended on Christmas Eve.  It has been far far too often.  This coming move will be my eighth in twenty-five months.  The last move was the hardest...  Culling twelve years of accumulation into six checked bags across the Pacific was exhausting, heartbreaking and expensive.  I was ruthless and I am still looking for things I left behind.  I had this stupid outfit of girl clothes... white pants, a mauve tank top, and a crinkled floral over-shirt of white with mauve flowers...  I have the bloody ugly shirt that I never liked, and the tank top that goes with nothing else I own, but can I find the damn white pants (the only useful part of the outfit) anywhere?  *big frustrated sigh*  I just have to console myself that I made the best decisions I could at the time, as TLOML so often says "We are all just doing our best".

Part of me is dreading the return to Sydney because it is going to be incredibly hectic.  We both have people we love who we want and need to see.  In the four months since I returned to Australia I have reached out over and over to my old friends, my friends from school and university, my friends from my crazy early jobs and even my ex-girlfriends and without exception they have welcomed me into their lives in spite of my pathetic attempts to maintain contact over the decades.  I can't just jump in my car with TLOML and smile and wave and yell "So long and thanks for all the fish!"  I love and appreciate my old friends and I really want to get a chance to see them again this trip and thank them.  I will be leaving The Boy and although I know he is an adult now he will always be my baby, for that matter he is also one of my best friends and is a trustworthy confidant and a thoughtful adviser.  I have really enjoyed being as close to him as we have been the last couple of months.

Of course there will be other trips to Sydney but this move is really significant.  I am packing up and piling my junk in the car and heading 2400 km (about 1500 miles) north with every expectation of staying there forever.

TLOML and I have had a busy and quite stressful couple of days tying to get ready for the return to Sydney and struggling to coordinate the competing priorities of the people in Sydney, and even to some extent, the people up here.  Still we have not had a cross word or a moments disagreement, if anything we have both been a calming influence on each other.  We are well aware that "real life" will not be the same as either the lazy days or the frantic preparation this "holiday time" has provided but I'm pretty certain we will be fine.  I will be studying and she will be back at work and I think we will eagerly anticipate our time together.

So here I go again another giant leap of a move but somehow this one just feels different, it feels right and it feels relaxed in spite of the chaos of the time in Sydney.  I do feel anxiety about getting everything done and seeing everyone we really want to see but I have not had even one moments anxiety about if this is the right decision or if TLOML is the right person.  I named her TLOML and that continues to be the most apt and accurate description.

We will be fine because we will be together.

Christmas in the tropics

I must apologize in advance that my brain has turned to mush and I have lost any pretense of incisive wit or erudite commentary on the world at large.

Yesterday, on Christmas day, TLOML and I rose very early and headed to the airport (her lovely and dutiful brother gave us a ride), we set out on less than four hours sleep.  I think we could both have been forgiven for being crabby, overtired and short tempered.  Two flights, an hour waiting, twice, in two different airports, I think grumpy is understandable.  On the first flight someone had put their bag in the overhead locker over me and their water (I hope it was water) had dripped through the side of the bulkhead and poured down on my shoulder.  At the airport mid way, we both, in turn, waited through long rest room queues.

Well, I have to admit that I am playing with you, dear reader...  We were unfazed by any obstacle.  Never has flying time or waiting time gone by more quickly.  Any thoughts of naps on the plane fell by the wayside in paroxysms of giggles and almost uncontrollable laughter.  The flight attendant was so delighted with our laughter over the dripping locker that he gave us a bottle of wine.  On the second flight we happily played hangman for over an hour and laughed so much that the man in the seat ahead of us was giving us dirty looks.  Laughter is very disruptive.

TLOML has some really wonderful friends here.  We were picked up from the dock and dropped to her house and then we dropped by to her best friend's house where we hung out in the pool and ate delicious Christmas leftovers.  In the evening we went to another of her friend's houses to a party that was full of really terrific people who were good fun, welcoming, and easy going.  Lots more laughter and lots more yummy food (including a home made rocky road that was absolutely sinfully decadent!!!).

Today has been outrageously slothful including eleven (yes count them, eleven) hours sleep overnight AND a mid afternoon nap of over two hours!  One of my best friends from the US, and her girlfriend, called on skype and the four of us chatted.  TLOML went to make a cup of tea and I told my friends how incredible all this is...  There has not been a single thing that has been obstructive or difficult, every potential obstacle resolves itself before we reach it, I told my fellow ex-Minnesotan friends that it feels like driving behind the snowplow!  Every step we take seems to have been cleared in advance of our arrival.  Falling in love has never been so easy nor has it ever seemed so natural and perfect before.  The unbelievable fact that this amazing and beautiful woman loves me too is just the most incredibly fantastic and awesome event in my life!  (Have I included enough superlatives in that sentence?)

Right now I am lying naked in her bed while a balmy breeze blows through the window, the sun is setting and I have a view of tree covered hills, palm trees, and (just so I don't forget I am in Australia) there are gum trees moving in the breeze.  TLOML is making dinner (which has just started to smell delicious), she has popped outside to put her chooks (chickens) away for the evening, a kookaburra is laughing in the distance...  It is idyllic.

Can you blame me for letting my brain turn to mush?