Good News Monday!

I know I am an unforgivably slack blogger.  I ask for no forgiveness and I know my apologies are not nearly sufficient.

That said -- I have been BUSY!!!

Chronological order usually seems like the best way to relay a narrative account of events but not today I have news I am busting to share!

I just handed in an assignment to the University (one that I suspect is inferior in quality, unfortunately) and as I opened my uni email to send the assignment in I found several emails from the Director of the Master of Conflict and Dispute Resolution Program in which I am studying.  One was giving me a mark for the last subject I finished and I was STUNNED to discover that I had achieved a High Distinction on each of the components and therefore my first HD for a whole course!!!  Yippee was I completely surprised I thought my final assignment on that subject was  a load of tripe and onions.  I also had an email giving me a totaled mark for the subject I finished before that (in this case I got an HD for the major assignment but a Credit for an earlier piece of work gave me a Distinction average).  None of this is THE good news...

I also had an email from this professor advising me that she has received funding for a part time research assistant and asking IF I AM INTERESTED!!!!

Does the Pontiff wear a silly hat?
Is a duck's bum watertight?
Are polka dot bikinis itsy bitsy and teeny weeny?

Of course I am bloody interested!

I don't know too much yet - the project is looking at conflict between PhD Students and their Supervisors.  Both of the lecturers involved in the project know me and know that I have health issues and problems with endurance, they are both quite flexible, so I'm pretty sure they would be flexible and quite possibly some of the work would be able to be done remotely (coming to you live from my bedroom!).  Anyway, it's very exciting and here's hoping... it could be the inauspicious beginning of my academic career!

OK now to some newsy stuff...  at the end of June I celebrated my 50th birthday.  I had a lovely day with TLOML pottering around in town and shopping at the hardware shop (the Aussie version of Homo Depot). I can't really remember why we were there but we got some fairy lights for the party and a solar powered pair of spotlights that now light up the back yard on a movement sensor.  We had spent the week leading up to the birthday cleaning, sorting, tidying, decorating and generally finally moving me in.  The Nurse (whom I adore more every day) gave me, as my birthday present, 6 hours of her labour and came the day before my birthday and got so much done I was amazed!  I am returning the favour now by giving her some handy work on an as needed basis - already I think I will put in a new toilet roll holder and there is some other stuff she wants me to do.  A great idea cause we get to hang out together - get stuff done - save money - and make each other feel good -- Wins all around!

We had a lovely visit from The Actress, The Percussionist and their daughter for a few days and a quite small party the day after my birthday.  One night while the visitors were here we went in the evening to a place called West Point to watch the sunset.  TLOML's ex (who I am just crazy about as I have said here before) came and brought his guitar and his mandolin, their son (Who would have thought I could find a kindred spirit in a 15 year old boy?) built a fire on the beach and I got absolutely sloshed and sang all evening.  It has been a LONG LONG time since I enjoyed something like that!  Here are a couple of pics...

It was the most wonderful evening.

I still miss The Boy and I wish he were closer - he is doing so well fending for himself (well almost he still has the watchful eye of The Best Friend not too far away thank Herbert!).  I feel a real sense of pride in him and I'm so impressed with how well he is approaching his work and his responsibilities.  One of the head honcho's at his work (big position about five levels of management above The Boy) singled him out to come in for a chat and talked about his goals and how he is enjoying his work.  There is even a strong possibility that he might get promoted into a supervisory role before the end of his traineeship.  I feel so incredibly fortunate in that area because Herbert knows I made more than my share of parental mistakes and still managed not to totally break him - by good luck not good management!  We Skype'd for a while the other day which is a pretty good substitute for being together.  He turns 19 in a couple of weeks... how the years have flown!

Things are going well with TLOML.  We hit an occasional bump but we seem to bounce back pretty well...  There is a lot of love and understanding between us... The dogs (our shared babies) are a constant source of joy, amusement and aggravation (that would be Frizby delivering that part) and we have to control ourselves from talking about them all the time when we are with other people.  I have also been twice to the produce store to acquire some new chooks (chickens) and today is the first time we have had TWO EGGS!!!  She calls me "The Chook Whisperer" when I sneek out at night to make sure the new chookies have not been excluded from the perch (I pick them up and put them on the perch for the night).

Pastoral, peaceful, pleasant, playful, pleasing and paradisical... (unfortunately still painful too, but c'est la vie).

I think island life agrees with me....

It's about time, it's about dogs...

Well back in April I undertook the A - Z blog challenge because my blogging was flagging a bit and it seems that rather than give me a kick start (as I intended) it exhausted my creativity and caused me to need nearly a month off blogging!  Never fear - I have returned!

I must confess life has been rather busy of late.  I am working on my masters - not nearly as much as I should be - but I am doing it.  I've finished the first subject, am in progress with two at the moment and I'm about to start my fourth.  Then I will be half way through!  It's very interesting learning about conflict, mediation, and all that other alternative dispute resolution stuff.  Although I must confess that it is a bit difficult doing this when I am not working.  Hanging out in paradise with TLOML and the dogs just doesn't give me all that much food for thought in the conflict department.

Healthwise I think I am doing somewhat better than I was six months ago.  The pain levels are not good at all even though I'm taking much better pain meds and I'm almost constantly maintaining a level of pain medication to knock the worst of it down.  I can feel the pain killer I took this morning has worn off and I'm getting those nasty roving cramps that make everything else hard.  On the upside I have had far less issues with the other things that are a problem --- like vertigo, fatigue, the swallowing problem, weird skin sensations etc etc -- you know all that bonus stuff that we get with fibromyalgia.

TLOML and I seem to go from strength to strength in our relationship.  There is not a moment of any day when I don't feel like the luckiest woman on earth.  Neither of us is perfect but there is something pretty damn close to perfect about our relationship.  If we have a spat we get over it quickly and no one holds a grudge, we enjoy a lot of the same things, I get along well with her friends and her family, basically we have a lovely life.  The nights are chilly at the moment and we get excited that we are going to be able to snuggle and spend the night close to each other.  Almost every day when I pick her up from work we take the dogs to the beach.  I'm slow but I have built up the distance I can walk and we stroll hand in hand talking about our day and enjoying the dogs together.  It really is one of my greatest joys.

Now I have to tell you a bit about the dogs.  TLOML already had a dog when I moved in and she is a fabulous dog!  Her name is Venus and she is mostly fox terrier with a bit of kelpie probably.  She's very obedient, affectionate, lovable and easy to get along with but she is getting on a bit and has grey on her nose and around her eyes.  In the US I had a dog I LOVED called Sergio but I couldn't bring him home to Australia, even if I could have afforded the $3,000 I couldn't have stood him being in quarantine for 6 weeks!  He stayed with my ex who loves him and has a great home for him, but I still miss him.  So I mentioned to TLOML that I would like to think about getting another dog so that Venus can train it before she gets too old to play.  I started looking on the RSPCA site - I really believe in rescuing a dog if you can!  Then I found this young female dog called Misty who was described as a Maltese cross.  She is black and white and fluffy.  That night I showed TLOML Misty online and she agreed that she would be the one she would be most interested in too.  The next day I had a doctors appointment for some xrays on the mainland (free floating bone fragments in my ankle Yippee!) and I popped out to the RSPCA and met Misty.  OMG she was so cute!  Unfortunately the staff informed me that there were two people who had expressed an interest in her ahead of me.  I put my name down as interested and asked them to find out if the others were going to adopt her because if they didn't I was pretty sure we would.  Later that week it was confirmed that the other people couldn't proceed at the moment and if we wanted her we could have her.  So I took TLOML to the RSPCA on Saturday morning and watched her fall in love with the scruffy little bundle too.

Here she is on her first day with us - at the petshop buying her collar and lead before heading home to the island!

Neither TLOML nor I liked the name Misty so we decided to call her Frizby which sounds kind of similar but is cuter and more fun.

Venus (on the left) is teaching Frizby where to wait when we are in the kitchen.

Mostly now we just call her Frizzy or Frizzball or Frizz and she is absolutely wonderful!  At first TLOML was adamant that Frizby would be my responsibility and I would bear all the costs (blah blah blah) which would have been fine with me but I thought it might be nicer if we adopted her together.  It seemed that the idea of knowing which dog belongs to whom kind of presumes that one day we will split up and I don't ever want that to happen!  I mentioned this, with the note that it isn't about the money, and TLOML agreed. So now both dogs are OURS!  It has really been a lovely bonding experience and we both think it was by far the best decision.  We think she might be some sort of Poodle/Shih Tzu/Maltese cross but who knows, she doesn't have a squashed in face like a Shih Tzu and she is bigger than either them or a Maltese...She is like a lamb more than anything else!  So now we are in love not only with each other but also with the dogs.

So there you go... living in bliss is not really the stuff of great blogs I guess... my life is filled with laughter and love and lots of fun too, The Boy is busy in Sydney and I wish we had more contact but other than that, oh yeah and the nagging chronic pain, everything is perfect!

K-Day nearly Killed me!

OMG what a day.

I Kaught the early ferry to town and it was ROUGH.  Out to the university and... phew day one of my Konflict Koaching Klass (sorry Kan't Kontain myself) was exhausting.  I am really fascinated by the subject and the Klass was Keen but my body is Klapped out and by the end of the day I was really struggling to Kope.  Three more days are going to Kill me.  To Komplete my Krappy feeling I got seasick on the ferry on the way home and spent the evening being tended to by the Kute and Karing LOML...  I'm lucky.

Keeping on Keeping on
might work for Rolf*
to be quite frank I'd rather play golf

*Non- Aussies might not recognize this reference to Rolf Harris a famous Australian entertainer who used the slogan Keeps on Keeping on in a long running series to TV Kommercials for a brand of paint.

Heigh Ho Heigh Ho...

It's off to Uni I go...

Oh dear, wouldn't you know it?

Here I am about to begin the second weekend workshop (there are a bunch of assessments tied to this weekend) and I'm sore all over.  It started last night, a bit like the voodoo doll stuff, randomly roving pains.  I drugged up at bedtime and was too tired to drive TLOML to work this morning.  I am pouting because this is the first time I haven't driven her down and picked her up since I have been here.  She took the car while I slept.

So now I am awake and all my muscles feel like muscles feel after they have had a really sharp cramp...  you know that feeling?  That tender ache that feels fragile and unstable?  It feels like at any moment the muscles might suddenly decide to screw themselves up like a Chinese burn and torture me just for fun!

I'm not sure what time I need to leave this afternoon.  It's TLOMY's early off afternoon so she will be home soon.  The dogger and I are sacked out on the bed wishing she was here.  We are a pathetic little pair.  I really should take the 3pm ferry but I am going to leave it for the 4.25pm - when I feel like this I can't take the extra hour and a half tacked onto my evening.  I'll also have to leave early to get the 9.00pm home cause waiting until the 10.30 would kill me.  Not much good am I?  Today 4.25 to 9.30 is already going to be too long away from horizontal.  I wish I could call in sick.

We have to do some kind of group presentation this evening and I am so unprepared...  As a group we have had minimal contact but one of the clever clogs has unilaterally decided we are going to do a role play and apparently she has a script running through her head... (can you bluetooth a script from one person's head to another yet?)  Oh well, it's a good thing that life is such a grand adventure - no doubt all will be revealed some time this evening.

This gecko on the lantern the other night was almost transparent...  You could see her belly full of the nighttime insects she was catching.  Unfortunately my phone is not quite a good enough camera to capture her perfectly.

Oh - I did manage to suck it up and get some real study done yesterday so I don't feel quite as guilty as I did when I wrote about my avoidant behaviour.  (I still haven't tackled the roman blinds though.)

I think this blog sounds disjointed and haphazard... unfortunately that is the way I'm feeling at the moment too.  I feel like I was built by a committee!

Roman blinds, a busy week and avoidant behaviour...

I guess writing this blog is part of my avoidant behaviour...  I'm hiding from the readings I should be doing for my university course...  If it weren't for  the last minute I would never get anything done!

We have had a really busy week!  I needed some recovery time after the weekend spent at university and I took a little on Monday before swinging into action and cooking the 'Aromadorable Gunk' (thank you Carinthia!) in an enormous quantity.  Tuesday was to be my introduction to TLOML's "extended, blended, family diner".  So on Monday I cooked the sauce and that evening TLOML and I worked our way through my mum's "no fail Pavlova recipe" because TLOML's younger son turned 15 on Tuesday and he had requested a Pavlova for dessert instead of a cake!

The last time (the only time) I made a Pavlova was with mum coaching me through it in the kitchen of my duplex in St Paul Minnesota on the eve of my 44th birthday (2006).  Anyone who reads my blog with any frequency will know how often I talk about my mum and what a huge part she plays in my life even now when she has been gone for three and a half years.  So it was a lovely and bittersweet occasion to be making the Pav here in my new environment.  I was more than a little sad that The Boy (my son) was not here to share the evening (and the Pav) too.  I am missing him horribly.

The extended blended family is a very special group who are linked by shared children... it might best be described by an equation, which would necessitate an understanding of maths (which I do not possess) - but I will try...

TLOML and her ex (P) are the parents of the birthday boy (B)
P is now with D and she has two sons (T & F)
T & F's father, A, is now with M and they have two daughters (b & a)

This group generally gathers for "family dinner" to celebrate anyone's birthday or for other special events and on Tuesday night we hosted the entire clan (which now, including me, totals 11).  We had a lovely night, the Aromadorable Gunk went over well and the Pavlova was gobbled up quickly.  P and D hung out for a while later in the evening after A & M had to get the little girls home to bed.  It was really good having a chance to get to know them better.  I have some of social anxiety and P had been gently inclusive throughout the evening, especially noting that it was my first "family dinner" and I was grateful for his efforts though I still found the bigger group a bit overwhelming.  The after dinner cuppa with P &  D was more my style and I was much more relaxed.  They both have really nice energy and it was great to let the anxiety go.  It's a real credit to ALL of these people that they have such good relationships with their ex's and that the lives of the kids can include this bigger circle of love and support.  If it takes a village to raise a child then this group is getting it right.  On a personal note P said to me, (in front of TLOML) "I'm just glad you are making her happy" and I think it is the second time he has expressed that sentiment to me.  It's wonderful to be with someone who has such a caring and civilized relationship with their ex.

Wednesday saw us gathering with the extended, blended family and a host of their other friends for the Syrian dinner which went really well.  I did adjourn to the couch earlier than most but managed to handle the cushion on the floor while we ate.  I lost much of yesterday to anti-histamine induced sleep following more itchy and scratchy and here I am today casually writing a blog!

I have been working up to a Roman blind repair project.  I have investigated the mechanisms, purchased the cord, bought new split rings to replace the really cruddy ones that are on the blinds and made inquiries about getting a hot glue gun so that I can shorten them.  This project is providing a nice distraction from the pile of readings I should be doing for my current course at Uni.  Unfortunately I think the pulley mechanism at the end of the blind is dead so I might need to figure out how to replace that or jerry-rig up some kind of replacement.  I will walk around this problem for a while longer before actually tackling it.  There are (at least) three of them here that need repair.  (An excellent avoidance technique.)

Almost every day, while she is at work, I send TLOML a text in which I tell her "I adore you" in a different language, today was Latin (Ego adorabunt te),  though I have done languages from Afrikaans to Welsh.  It's part of my job description as Officer in Charge of Adoration.  TLOML finishes work early this afternoon...  I think we should have lunch out and then maybe hit one of the waterfalls on the creek...  Whatever we do will be fine though.  We both seem to be pretty happy as long as we are reasonably close and not apart for too long.  TLOML says she feels so safe with me that she can be a brat, she is too!  But it just makes me smile.  We are relaxed with each other in the way of couples who have been together for a long time.  This has to be the lowest anxiety relationship I have ever been in!  With no fights or arguments we have weathered an externally generated problem undamaged and perhaps even more closely bonded.  Less than 4 months ago my life was very dark and I couldn't see much in the way of a positive future.  My how things can change!

See?  I have managed to absorb an hour and a half without picking up a text book!

If I wasn't lying down I could sing "I'm still standing"!

I have just participated in and pretty much successfully survived a three day university workshop.  I'd like to say I blitzed this weekend but in truth I was severely challenged by the physical demands.  Even now I am slightly exaggerating because the weekend comprised a three hour session on Friday night and then two seven hour sessions on Saturday and Sunday.  Part of the difficulty for me was that with ferry, and car, trips each way a seven hour day becomes a ten hour day and all I can do when I get home is lie down and whine and thank Herbert that TLOML is here to make sure my collapse doesn't cause me to starve or rot.

The workshop was a real trial.  It's expensive for one thing - catching the ferry and then paying to borrow a car on the mainland.  It's draining and physically taxing.  The chairs are not very comfortable and they don't face directly forward so I have to turn my head.  Accessibility services offered me the use of a more fully adjustable chair but I didn't want to make a fuss so I refused.  As I am doing all this again the weekend after next I might have to rethink that position...  As regards the content of the course there were moments when I felt like I was reading/listening to a completely alien language, I seriously started to wonder if perhaps I had totally lost my ability to assimilate and understand new information.  But somehow the understanding swam to the top and forced its way through the pond slime of my awareness.  It seems I have not allowed my brain to vegetate completely.  I can't speak so encouragingly about the body...

I'm quite concerned that I might not be able to manage all these workshops.  I have three of the next five weekends committed to workshops if I proceed with the program in which I am currently enrolled.  I'm tempted to convert one of the subjects to an external subject so that I don't have to attend.  The trouble with this is that I actually learn very well in a classroom situation and it is by far the easiest and most successful way for me to grasp and fully comprehend the information...sigh...My intrapersonal conflict perpetuates!  (see how clever I am becoming with my new studies!)

Should... Who says?

On Friday evening I have to go to my first University workshop session.  This is followed by full days on both Saturday and Sunday.  I'm scared.  Yesterday I had a really lousy day and my body was wracked with one intense breakthrough pain after another.  It was bad enough that I broke my own rule and took Codeine in the middle of the day.  I should have been doing some of the pre-reading for my course.  I should be doing that right now. Yesterday I lay around in bed whining (to myself and the dog) and played Words With Friends with my close online friend who lives in England.  We chatted and played and I whined to her a bit too.

When I picked up TLOML I confessed that I had not achieved anything useful during the day and told her that "I should have..." (fill in any of the myriad of jobs and tasks that are waiting for my attention.)  She's so wonderful, she chastised me with the words "No shoulds!"  We had a lovely evening... quiet and warm... easy. We watched some TV, had dinner, talked through some things we are each dealing with, it was really very close to perfect.  At one point I had my arm around her shoulder and she was holding my hand and I realized that we were holding hands with both of our hands, my right draped over her shoulder in her right, and our left hands resting on my knee.

I don't recall ever being with someone before where we hold both hands.  TLOML and I seem to naturally (and without either of us noticing it) assume the same kind of hand hold they used to teach us in primary school or all those progressive barn dances.  It's surprising how often we find ourselves in one of these positions.  We both like being close... at least most of the time.

Yesterday when I picked TLOML up from work she was in a grumpy and frustrated mood (yes she is human in spite of demonstrating the distinctly super-human skill of putting up with me).  I reached for her hand and she withdrew and made grouchy comments about being too annoyed to hold hands... that's fine...  we all become obstreperous from time to time.  She vented for a while then we settled down to our nice peaceful evening.  I was still in pain but fortunately not as much.

Today was better than yesterday but far from great.  I spent some time helping TLOML's cousin, who is visually impaired, do an online grocery order and I've been slacking off a bit since then.  Working on our shopping - making some government agency inquiries (that have been hanging over my head for a while).  Generally just hanging around with the dog.  I'm still itchy and still sore and I feel significantly discombobulated as to rationalize my lazy day.

Tick Tick Tick - Friday evening grows ever closer!

My itchy bitchy heart...

I should begin with an apology - To anyone who goes on to spend some amount of time with Billy Ray occupying your brain...  I sincerely apologize (kind of)!

TLOML and I have finally had a cross word, she simply failed to understand the way it works when I cook something.  When I cook - anyone who is going to consume the output simply MUST contribute to the chorus of angles singing "Hallelujah"; they MUST prearrange a Standing Ovation!  Then upon tasting the gold encrusted output they MUST collapse in paroxysms of rapturous delight!  It is simply NOT acceptable to stay on the phone and suggest that this ambrosia can be reheated later.  Needless to say I got snippy, one might even say pissy... or if one was not very favourably disposed towards me one might say shitty...  I didn't yell or scream, I didn't do back-flips of uncouth gestures, I think I kind of hurumphed off with words that were vaguely aligned with the much maligned and totally attitudinous "Whatever".

Interestingly enough the day after this moody 'tudey outburst I began doing the prereading for my soon to begin Master of Conflict and Dispute Resolution (yes the irony is not lost on me).  One of the first things I learned is that the ability to simultaneously comprehend and understand multiple diverse points of view is a sign of having a highly developed ability to manage conflict.  In effect I can recognize that my expectations with regard to the award presentation that needs to take place every time I come within a foot of the stove are unreasonable, and perhaps even a little childish, while simultaneously feeling angry and disrespected that those expectations have not been met.  I have learned that when I feel these conflicting feelings (or perhaps when my inner adult is not doing a good enough job of giving my inner child a time out) I am engaging in intrapersonal conflict.  I actually do quite a lot of that I think!

Now here is not the place to sound off about anyone else's contribution to a dispute so I will simply say that there are some aspects of my personality that might be just a touch anal and that I am not always my best and most grown up self when other people are a bit more loosey goosey with plans and targets than I am.  Interestingly I gave the appearance of being hard and TLOML found that off-putting.  I'm not hard, I'm never hard... that audible clang which sounds so hard is actually my shell crashing closed over my wounded, wimpy innards.  I am a good representative subject of my star sign - Cancer.  Under threat (real or imagined) this super-sensitive little crab hunkers down inside her shell with her pincers raised in defense.

In view of the fact that TLOML and I have been going through quite a stressful, and very frustrating, external situation I really think we are doing pretty well.  It hasn't been easy for either of us and we have both proved ourselves to be capable of empathizing with the other and gently trying to find solutions that minimize the damage to us as a couple.  As in all things communication is the absolute key and I know that I really shouldn't get cranky about not getting my standing ovation when I haven't fully explained the imperative need of said standing ovation (and the chorus of angels and paroxysms of rapture).  We have talked it out, and moved on, feeling more loving and stronger and hopefully a little more aware of our individual needs.

OK so much for the bitchy part... now to the itchy... eeep!!!  I now don't know if the stings are real or imagined.  This place is crawling with a staggering bio-diversity of stinging and biting things!  Over the last few days I have been almost constantly scratching.  My skin is on the move with real, and brain induced false, sensations of being stung or bitten.  I spend so much time slapping myself that I should get a pair of lederhosen and take up German folk dancing.  I also overdid it a few days ago when I replaced the decking boards on the landing and I've been paying with constant muscle pain and roving spasms.  Oh well at least I achieved something, I could have had the same pain and spasm while doing nothing.  I'd like to launch into a big whinge right now about how irritated I am re hurting all the time but I'd rather close by suggesting that all stove manufacturers consider installing a special feature - when you turn the dial to OFF, the stove should play a soundtrack of a crowd giving a rousing round of applause, cheering and yelling "BRAVO!!!"

2012 Might be the end of the Mayan calendar...

It might be the end of the world but it is the beginning for me...

I don't care if the world ends in 2012 as long as we all go together.

Eleven is my lucky number - I was born on the 29th day of the month.  When I choose numbers for anything I choose ones that add up to eleven...  47, 56, 83, 29 etc...  If I go to an auction I choose a bidding number that adds to eleven... 155, 128, 173, 92 etc...  I had great hopes for 2011.

Throughout most of the year (2011) it was appearing NOT to be all that wonderful.  I was sick, I was unloved, I felt unlovable.  Those of you who have read my early posts pretty much know how dark 2011 was for me.  That is until the 11th month.

At 11.11am on the 11th of the 11th of the 11th I wrote a wish list.  Since the day after I wrote that list my world has been as different as ice is from fire.  My life has taken a 180 degree turn (should I say a 182 degree turn?).

The first and most substantial change that will occur in 2012 is that I will be relocating from Sydney to a tropical island on the Great Barrier Reef.  I will be living with TLOML who is without doubt the most beautiful woman, inside and out, I have ever had the privilege to love.

Soon I will commence study for my Masters which will give me a focus and an opportunity to succeed.  Most importantly it will give me a viable intellectual activity that I can do while lying down...  I still need to spend a generous part of my day horizontal.

2012 appears before me as the happiest and most fulfilling year of my life and I AM READY!

I am ready to be happy, ready to be loved, ready to love, ready to study, ready to accept my health, ready to succeed, ready to be fulfilled.

If the Mayan's are right that is just fine with me.  If they just ran out of room on the stone well that is fabulous too!

I hope the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train.

I can blog lying down.  (No doubt why I post so frequently)

Remembering my addiction to being horizontal I well might ask... 

What else can I do lying down? (Keep your minds out of the gutter!)

Ok let me dial this back a bit to put it in perspective.  Things have not been going well in my life for the last five years or so.  Here is a snapshot - [warning - skip the dot points if you are not in the mood for a dirge and advance to the part that comes after - I won't mind - I would too]

2006 - Life was pretty good...

• In business with my partner doing well
• Wrote a business book had it published
• Making a name as a speaker/presenter (making money doing that too)
• In a slightly volatile but very productive relationship
• Living in own home with partner and son
• Traveling the world
• Owning 4 rental units that were rapidly appreciating in value
• Experiencing chronic pain but 95% of the time quite manageable/tolerable 

Mid way through 2006 my partner and I broke up and the business was dissolved.  My son and I moved into one of the rentals and attempts to develop a new business alone achieved very limited success - the economy was starting to slide right about then...

2007

• Moved to a different state
• Began a relationship which became physically abusive
• Working in a fun job for really lousy money
• Sued by ex who had access to hot and cold running lawyer and lost everything (long story)
• Dropped all the balls - couldn't spin any more plates - pain increasing

2008

• Dead broke
• Abusive relationship gets pretty bad
• My mother (who I was very close to) died - sad trip home to Australia
• Relationship gets scary - I get out but I am being stalked
• Pain increasing

2009

• Still dead broke and single (living alone with my son)
• Being stalked by crazy abusive ex
• Crappy job becomes hostile and no longer fun (leadership revolution)
• My father died (a trip to Australia for the funeral out and back in less than five days)
• Body goes into major, can't get away from myself, hyper flare up
• Diagnosed with Fibromyalgia

2010

• Move to another state
• Get well enough to work and take a great (but demanding) job in yet another state 
• Work like a demon for 3 months with nights and weekends almost totally dedicated to rest and recovery - then laid off due to economic downturn
• Get another job - get laid off again
• Can't afford to live where I was working (California) so move to another state
• Body flares like a new year's eve fireworks display
• Lose health benefits

2011

• Can no longer effectively look for work in the US 
• Need to get some medical care
• Finally admit defeat
• Move (a massive undertaking after 12 years in the US) home to Australia
• Body continues to become increasingly uncooperative

Well here I am...  Now please don't think that there were no good things going on during this period of time because there were, not enough to outweigh the stadiums full of shit, but good stuff nevertheless.  However I am not, at this moment here to tell those stories...  I am telling you that I have been in a pretty bad way for the last few years.  Doctors who aren't helpful haven't helped (lol).

I'm middle aged, overweight (not ginormous but still more than I should be), I look hagged, prematurely grey, I'm having soooo much fun with FMS, and my self esteem is totally heading through the S bend to the sewage treatment works.  So I say to myself. "Displaced," I say, "You need to have a win!"

When I think back over the things that I have done in my life that have made me feel good about myself (aside from raising a wonderful kid) the first one is working. I have been really good at my job in a lot of different capacities.  At least for the moment that is off the table.  Secondly, I have had success writing - voila - for your edification and enjoyment I have started this blog.  Finally, I have had success as a student.

SOOOOO a couple of weeks ago I ambled my wobbly way into the University and I applied to do a Master of Dispute Resolution.  It is offered through the Law Faculty but is open to non-lawyers.

This evening I received an email telling me that my application has been accepted and I have been offered a place in the program.  It doesn't start until February.  I am really excited about it.  I figure if my body starts to cooperate better it would be a wonderful field (a growing field) in which I could make pretty good money while only working part time, I figure if I like law I might keep going and get a law degree when this one is done, I figure if I still like studying I might do a PhD, I figure I will meet interesting smart people (maybe even a lesbian woman - you never know your luck in the big city!), I figure I have everything to gain and nothing to lose... but best of all ...

I CAN STUDY LYING DOWN!!!