I'm not sure if I want this going out into the galaxy of infinite internet information... it might be resigned to life as a draft... (not that very many people read my blog anyway)... BUT...
I had an unusual experience this morning. I woke from a dream in which I had found a woman attractive. This probably doesn't sound too extraordinary but it is for me.
The dream was hazy, as they are; it didn't make very much sense, as they don't; and it disappeared all too quickly from my mind, as they do. I had watched a woman in jeans and a western shirt (she could have been any of those very cute cowgirls at the gay rodeo in Denver) run back across a corral towards me. She sat down beside me - I don't know who she was and she isn't familiar to my conscious mind, but in the dream I knew her, slightly - she turned towards me, very close - her face no more than 8 inches from mine - and she smiled and her eyes twinkled. I said, "you have beautiful eyes". For a moment something electric flashed between us, something that felt strangely like attraction, and she looked down, bashfully and mumbled "Thank you". Then I woke up. (I bet you thought we were going to kiss - my dreams aren't that raunchy!)
It isn't very noteworthy I know. I suppose other people have lots of dreams like this. I don't. I don't dream about finding people attractive and I don't dream about falling in love, well not subconsciously anyway. Attraction, for me, is so rarely visually stimulated. It always (OK there was one exception back in my mid 20's and you know who you are!) begins with some kind of mental and emotional "CLICK". I don't lust after attractive strangers or faces on a screen. The physical attraction needs to support the emotional and intellectual - but it doesn't lead.
This story could go two ways here, I am sorely tempted to start down the "poor me" track (my self esteem is in the toilet, overweight, not very interesting, I walk like a 90 year old) - think I'm gonna eat worms! OR I could swing into "Positive Thinking" mode, which I myself seriously questioned in a blog the other day, and hypocritically decide to put my wishes "out into the universe".
So what do I want? I would like to meet a woman who makes me laugh and who laughs at my half-witticisms, she MUST be bright, she doesn't need to be beautiful but it is important that something in her look appeals to me, sparkling eyes are a good start! Not too screwed up is a learned requirement (but that's another story). It doesn't seem too much to ask, does it? Oh yeah, one last thing, I want her to think I am fabulous - (some degree of disassociation from reality might be an asset with this).
I guess she isn't going to turn up inside the house so I better go out and do something. It is a glorious day in Sydney the options are limitless!
I am really bad at making social things happen, just a dash of social anxiety makes it stressful. So any thoughts would be gratefully appreciated.