Confession time!

They say confession is good for the soul but mostly I think it is good for your stress level.

I have never been very good at accepting any limitations and it remains a challenge.  Asking more of my body and my mind has always been a component of my way of life.  The last five or so years have really knocked me around, in every way, and I must confess, for the first time in my life, my confidence is pretty badly dented (though hopefully not totaled!).  Yet, accepting limits is not my strong suit.  

Professor McAwfullyCute (the doc who came up with the nifty 'Undampened Stress Response Resulting In Widespread Chronic Pain' tagline (hereafter referred to as AUSRRIWCP)) said if I felt comfortable walking for half an hour I should walk for twenty minutes.  At that moment, though clearly I heard him, I think he was talking in rectangles and I was only understanding in triangles because that whole concept really didn't sink in.  He actually told me that pushing the envelope makes things worse not better - again I didn't grasp the real meaning of that, it seems so counter-intuitive not to be able to build fitness by gradually pushing harder.

I know I have talked about pain and the AUSRRIWCP (where are those catchy anagrams by the way???) before, but I'm not sure if I made it clear that this is an immensely variable condition.  I can't ever say there is NO pain at all but sometimes it is both tolerable and manageable, these are the GOOD days!

Yesterday was a GOOD day, after a couple of not too heavy pain pills I was feeling about as good as I ever do and as I mentioned in my blog yesterday it was a glorious day here in the most beautiful city on earth (and no, I have not seen them all but I have seen more than most people ever will and the only one that comes even close to Sydney is Cape Town - so there)! [deep breath]

Forgive me, body, for I have sinned.

Yesterday I was overcome with the urge to play golf and I failed to fight the temptation.  

The view to Rose Bay from Woollahara Golf Course (3rd Tee)

Here is my conscious mind's version of limitations - "don't take too many practice swings, move slowly, only play 9 - or less if it hurts too much... yadda yadda..."

The reality was that even by the second hole it was starting to hurt, but I pushed on...  I should have listened... I didn't.

Here is my body's attitude to my limitations - "SCREW YOU - tomorrow you will PAY!"  (My body is more vengeful that the most vicious tyrant in history - than even Caligula at his worst!)

Alas, tomorrow is now today...

On a lighter note a few days ago Diane J Standiford in her excellent blog A Stellarlife blogged about a childhood confession and asked her readers to tell their stories too... this was my comment.  (Please don't let my brother actually read this!)

I guess I was about 7. we had a huge, battered old table in the basement/rumpus room of our house and my mother had left some ghastly mauve paint lying around down there...  My oldest brother was very naughty and I was a pretty easy kid most of the time but I was angry with him...  I wrote HIS initials on the table in mauve paint.  It was just the sort of thing he would have done!  What was the difference between my mother and a nuclear bomb?  The bomb only explodes once!  No one has ever known to this day that it was me...

So I invite your confession - good for the soul remember!

PS - Seattle might be nearly as beautiful as Sydney if the sun ever shone and Auckland is pretty too.