Wednesday, 19 October 2011

Confession time!

They say confession is good for the soul but mostly I think it is good for your stress level.

I have never been very good at accepting any limitations and it remains a challenge.  Asking more of my body and my mind has always been a component of my way of life.  The last five or so years have really knocked me around, in every way, and I must confess, for the first time in my life, my confidence is pretty badly dented (though hopefully not totaled!).  Yet, accepting limits is not my strong suit.  

Professor McAwfullyCute (the doc who came up with the nifty 'Undampened Stress Response Resulting In Widespread Chronic Pain' tagline (hereafter referred to as AUSRRIWCP)) said if I felt comfortable walking for half an hour I should walk for twenty minutes.  At that moment, though clearly I heard him, I think he was talking in rectangles and I was only understanding in triangles because that whole concept really didn't sink in.  He actually told me that pushing the envelope makes things worse not better - again I didn't grasp the real meaning of that, it seems so counter-intuitive not to be able to build fitness by gradually pushing harder.

I know I have talked about pain and the AUSRRIWCP (where are those catchy anagrams by the way???) before, but I'm not sure if I made it clear that this is an immensely variable condition.  I can't ever say there is NO pain at all but sometimes it is both tolerable and manageable, these are the GOOD days!

Yesterday was a GOOD day, after a couple of not too heavy pain pills I was feeling about as good as I ever do and as I mentioned in my blog yesterday it was a glorious day here in the most beautiful city on earth (and no, I have not seen them all but I have seen more than most people ever will and the only one that comes even close to Sydney is Cape Town - so there)! [deep breath]

Forgive me, body, for I have sinned.

Yesterday I was overcome with the urge to play golf and I failed to fight the temptation.  

The view to Rose Bay from Woollahara Golf Course (3rd Tee)

Here is my conscious mind's version of limitations - "don't take too many practice swings, move slowly, only play 9 - or less if it hurts too much... yadda yadda..."

The reality was that even by the second hole it was starting to hurt, but I pushed on...  I should have listened... I didn't.

Here is my body's attitude to my limitations - "SCREW YOU - tomorrow you will PAY!"  (My body is more vengeful that the most vicious tyrant in history - than even Caligula at his worst!)

Alas, tomorrow is now today...

On a lighter note a few days ago Diane J Standiford in her excellent blog A Stellarlife blogged about a childhood confession and asked her readers to tell their stories too... this was my comment.  (Please don't let my brother actually read this!)

I guess I was about 7. we had a huge, battered old table in the basement/rumpus room of our house and my mother had left some ghastly mauve paint lying around down there...  My oldest brother was very naughty and I was a pretty easy kid most of the time but I was angry with him...  I wrote HIS initials on the table in mauve paint.  It was just the sort of thing he would have done!  What was the difference between my mother and a nuclear bomb?  The bomb only explodes once!  No one has ever known to this day that it was me...

So I invite your confession - good for the soul remember!

PS - Seattle might be nearly as beautiful as Sydney if the sun ever shone and Auckland is pretty too.


  1. I am sorry you suffered for the golf, but it does look like a glorious day and the perfect sort of temptation. Are you sorry to have played, regret it, or regret feeling the after effects? The idea about 20 minutes is interesting, and would be worth graphing, in terms of personal satisfaction, pain levels, etc.


  2. HEY! We have BEAUTIFUL SUNNY days in Seattle! LOTS of them, just wrapped up about two weeks worth. We also have SEVERAL golf courses. Uh-hem! I always wanted to learn to golf. Oh! I have a recent confession, never told a soul and I hope this doesn't get out. The last dentist I saw was a jerk, lied to me (I busted her on it too), so I took those dark glasses they put on you and stuffed them down my underpants. Use them every summer ON OUR SUNNY DAYS!

  3. Elizabeth - thank you for commenting and welcome! I don't regret playing - Hell NO! I don't even regret the after effects (which now are easing :)) You know better than almost anyone about doing things anyway! Yes 20 mins... I'm not sure I have the self control to function at 66% of my comfort zone when my life has been lead at 150% of my comfort zone. That would be SO HARD!
    Diane - I'm happy to see you take the Seattle bait as I put it there for you! I lived in Portland OR for a while and though I popped up to Seattle a few times I never managed to catch the sunshine (though I do have a good imagination). LOL re the sunglasses though I can see they don't get much use!

  4. I so identify with your comments about pushing the envelope making it worse. I was dx w/chronic pain disease in '97, BF they'd even admit, let alone give advice like you discribe. I STILL have to talk myself out of activity (used to live to move, dance...) but now must dole out the steps like tick, tick, tickets. I have to talk myself out of pushing the envelope. It's a perplexing way to live. You describe it well. P.S. Seattle is so green you could cry and imagine its desert opposite, but I've never seen Sydney...

  5. I don't like limitations either. It's gotten me into some curious the time I got myself stuck on our porch in the winter and had to yell for help until a neighbour was able to come let me inside. My father just about had kittens...:)

  6. G'day Hanging and welcome! I know who you are and I must say your partner has excellent taste! Doesn't measuring your endurance and energy suck? I watch the dogs run and little kids and I'm dumbfounded by their sheer exuberance and zest for life, and I'm envious - did I leave out envious? Thanks mate.
    Sarah, I want to hear your on the porch story in full! Thanks!