It's some sort of a cycle.
I don't blog, then I feel guilty about not blogging, then I think I have nothing to say and why would someone want to read my drivel, so I don't blog...
I want to talk about all kinds of things but some of them are minutia and some of them might be too personal or might make me look foolish - so I don't write.
There are lots of great excuses - I am busy studying (I have received Distinctions for the first two subjects I have finished), I am busy living (TLOML and the doggers absorb my time), I'm not in great health (when I crash I crash and I just want to let my mind run free in an effort to forget my body is actually still part of me) but none of them is a good enough reason not to write.
In 10 days I will tick over into my 50's and I can't believe it. In so many ways I'm so unchanged from the child I was. I'm still homesick for my Mum, though she has been dead nearly four years. I'm still socially anxious and I still never feel like I fit in. I still feel like an awkward misfit who doesn't quite get anything right in this world.
A couple of days ago I went to a memorial service with TLOML. It was for a woman in her early 50's who died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. A few years back I lost a very close friend like that, she was only 44 and it was a devastating shock. The service was on the beach at sunset and there were lots of people in attendance. The clothing was casual and colourful. Lots of people were barefooted. The local a capella choir, many of whom were close friends of the woman, sung. When darkness fell a large paper heart was set alight, big paper lanterns were released - rising towards the stars on the power of their flames, and tiny boats with candles were lit and floated into the sea, it was beautiful. Although I had never met the woman, she and her partner having been overseas since I moved up here, I heard stories of how she had touched people and the causes she had fought for. More than anything I heard stories of the bond she and her partner shared, it seems they were truly soul mates. Although I was a stranger, there as a sign of support to TLOML and her friends, some of whom were very close to the woman, I was deeply touched.
There is no justice in this world. Miserly, miserable people live long unproductive lives making others unhappy and kind, gentle souls can be snatched away without time to say goodbye. People in horrid relationships become elderly being rude and unkind to each other and someone else loses their soul mate in early middle age. There is no rhyme or reason, no sense, no logic, Charles Manson grows old in gaol while Princess Diana, who worked so hard for so many valuable causes, is killed at 36.
I don't understand Herbert. It just is.
Starting tomorrow I have a three day workshop at the university. That will probably knock my body around a bit so the weekend will be at least partially dedicated to recovery. I'm in recovery today too because yesterday I started washing windows. The Actress, The Percussionist and their daughter are coming to visit to share my birthday. I'm so pleased they are coming and I can't wait to see them. So TLOML and I need to get the house ready and washing the windows is one of jobs I have decided to tackle. I like doing things where it makes a big difference, where you can see the result of your labour. But I pay. I pay dearly every time I throw myself into a task. Last week I did a little car maintenance including flushing the radiator and was sore for a couple of days. Washing the dogs did me in too. I don't care though. I would rather keep doing things and know I need a couple of days to recover than not be doing stuff!
On the home front everything is going well. I miss The Boy though he is doing well in Sydney and is working hard. The dogs are terrific though Frizby's separation anxiety is a bit of an issue. Now if I go for a swim she keeps swimming out to me. TLOML and I had a swim the other day and Frizzle was exhausted from swimming out to us every time we took her back to the beach. (Hence why I was bathing the dogs!) The nights are quite cool here at the moment but the days are beautiful. Sunny and warm and sparkling Especially through the clean windows!!!
Showing posts with label occupy sydney. Show all posts
Showing posts with label occupy sydney. Show all posts
Monday, 18 June 2012
Wednesday, 23 November 2011
Women Say Something
Tonight I attended an event.
Long ago, back before cell phones and personal computers, before MASH stopped running, before I even knew what the words meant, I referred to myself as a Marxist Feminist Lesbian - at the time I was none of the three.
Time passed and I totally embraced one of the labels, held firm to the principles of another, and modified the third. I grew to become a Socialist Feminist Lesbian. I was never a separatist (though I have dear friends who were) but I understood where they were coming from and I marched for women's rights and listened to good solid lesbian lefty folk singers.
Somewhere in the late1980's and 1990's the wheels seem to have fallen off the women's movement, even the separatists mostly came down out of the hills and "played the game" and worked for "the man". Of course I was swept along just like everyone else... Settled down, had a baby, stuck at a real job, bought a house... But it was never far beneath the surface. Even when I moved to the US in 99/2000, even in the US, where when you say the word "socialist" lots of people hear the word "Stalin", I kept saying it.
Dammit I am a SOCIALIST and I am a FEMINIST and I am still (although not practicing LOL) a LESBIAN!
Sooooooooo by way of Twitter and Facebook I accidentally head about this event so I spent the afternoon resting and I went!
Oh my goodness - when did lesbians and feminists get so young? Yikes!
There were two panels, the first focused mainly on inclusion and talked a lot about bullying in schools. The second looked at feminism and (this is my takeaway so forgive me if it is not what anyone else got from the discussion) it talked about the future of feminism and if the word feminism can be revived/reclaimed/revitalized. A couple of times the word humanism was brought up as a possible replacement. At one point during the first discussion one of the panelists mentioned that dropping the words "Gay and Lesbian" from the front of the words Mardi Gras for the giant celebration held in Sydney ever Feb/March was an example of us (the queer community) showing the world that we are more inclusive than "they" are. I wonder if the word "humanism" were to be applied would it be considered the same way? Or have we become so inclusive that we no longer have an identity? Personally I think that if the feminist movement was no longer identified as relating to women it would have no validity and no reason to exist. One of the panelists insisted that she would always refer to herself as a feminist and that failing to do so would be disrespectful to all the women who have fought for the "equality" we have today (such as it is) and I agree.
There was an older woman on the second panel (one of the few people I saw who was most likely older than me!!!) and she suggested that we are bogged down in viewing the world from an economic (ie male dominated/goal focused/financial) point of view and that we need to move back to a focus on society. She said there needed to be a collective movement towards societal change. At this point one of the other panelists mentioned the Occupy movement and no one really pointed out that Occupy is totally an economic focused movement, its very core is an opposition to corporate greed and a desire for a more equitable distribution of wealth.
This evolved into a discussion of how factional in fighting and issue arguments are disrupting the ability of women/feminists to organize. One of the other panelists, a very interesting woman who is the secretary of a major trade union made a very interesting point... She said that no one has more in fighting than the unions but that when Australia was under the conservative Prime Minister John Howard they managed to put aside their differences and unite against the common enemy.
This to me is the crux of the issue.... The common enemy, the overarching goal, the fundamental principles - they must be grave enough and significant enough to unite us and to compel us to act.
On the way home I was singing this song to myself in the car...
Folksingers like Judy Small, Alix Dobkin, Cris Williamson, Maggie Kirkpatrick, and other lesbian artists like Robyn Archer taught us our women's history and reinforced our social consciences. Who are the young women of today learning from? I mean I really like Beyonce (The Boy would kill me if I said anything else) and Irreplaceable (to the left to the left) is a very empowering song but it's hardly educational.
God help us if it's Katy Perry!
Long ago, back before cell phones and personal computers, before MASH stopped running, before I even knew what the words meant, I referred to myself as a Marxist Feminist Lesbian - at the time I was none of the three.
Time passed and I totally embraced one of the labels, held firm to the principles of another, and modified the third. I grew to become a Socialist Feminist Lesbian. I was never a separatist (though I have dear friends who were) but I understood where they were coming from and I marched for women's rights and listened to good solid lesbian lefty folk singers.
Somewhere in the late1980's and 1990's the wheels seem to have fallen off the women's movement, even the separatists mostly came down out of the hills and "played the game" and worked for "the man". Of course I was swept along just like everyone else... Settled down, had a baby, stuck at a real job, bought a house... But it was never far beneath the surface. Even when I moved to the US in 99/2000, even in the US, where when you say the word "socialist" lots of people hear the word "Stalin", I kept saying it.
Dammit I am a SOCIALIST and I am a FEMINIST and I am still (although not practicing LOL) a LESBIAN!
Sooooooooo by way of Twitter and Facebook I accidentally head about this event so I spent the afternoon resting and I went!
Oh my goodness - when did lesbians and feminists get so young? Yikes!
There were two panels, the first focused mainly on inclusion and talked a lot about bullying in schools. The second looked at feminism and (this is my takeaway so forgive me if it is not what anyone else got from the discussion) it talked about the future of feminism and if the word feminism can be revived/reclaimed/revitalized. A couple of times the word humanism was brought up as a possible replacement. At one point during the first discussion one of the panelists mentioned that dropping the words "Gay and Lesbian" from the front of the words Mardi Gras for the giant celebration held in Sydney ever Feb/March was an example of us (the queer community) showing the world that we are more inclusive than "they" are. I wonder if the word "humanism" were to be applied would it be considered the same way? Or have we become so inclusive that we no longer have an identity? Personally I think that if the feminist movement was no longer identified as relating to women it would have no validity and no reason to exist. One of the panelists insisted that she would always refer to herself as a feminist and that failing to do so would be disrespectful to all the women who have fought for the "equality" we have today (such as it is) and I agree.
There was an older woman on the second panel (one of the few people I saw who was most likely older than me!!!) and she suggested that we are bogged down in viewing the world from an economic (ie male dominated/goal focused/financial) point of view and that we need to move back to a focus on society. She said there needed to be a collective movement towards societal change. At this point one of the other panelists mentioned the Occupy movement and no one really pointed out that Occupy is totally an economic focused movement, its very core is an opposition to corporate greed and a desire for a more equitable distribution of wealth.
This evolved into a discussion of how factional in fighting and issue arguments are disrupting the ability of women/feminists to organize. One of the other panelists, a very interesting woman who is the secretary of a major trade union made a very interesting point... She said that no one has more in fighting than the unions but that when Australia was under the conservative Prime Minister John Howard they managed to put aside their differences and unite against the common enemy.
This to me is the crux of the issue.... The common enemy, the overarching goal, the fundamental principles - they must be grave enough and significant enough to unite us and to compel us to act.
On the way home I was singing this song to myself in the car...
Folksingers like Judy Small, Alix Dobkin, Cris Williamson, Maggie Kirkpatrick, and other lesbian artists like Robyn Archer taught us our women's history and reinforced our social consciences. Who are the young women of today learning from? I mean I really like Beyonce (The Boy would kill me if I said anything else) and Irreplaceable (to the left to the left) is a very empowering song but it's hardly educational.
God help us if it's Katy Perry!
Thursday, 10 November 2011
11.11.11 - War, Gough, Occupy, Cosmic Opportunism
I don't support war with the sole exception of self-defense. World War 1, The Great War, was not our war as Australians and yet at the time our society was so culturally and legally tied to The British Empire that Australians felt it was their war. On this day 93 years ago the Armistice was signed and WW1 ended. This image I borrowed from Wikipedia depicts the cover of the NYT on Nov 11 1918.
How can we not support the Occupy Movement?
I believe there is a gross inequity in the distribution of wealth in our society. I watch the rich get richer and the poor get poorer and I know it is wrong.
The global recession has caused corporations to tighten their belts (read; get more work out of less people under lower standard working conditions) and yet the very top of the tree continues to reap huge profits. Government doesn’t help because their principle concern is always getting re-elected and the top of the tree has the power to heavily influence an election.
If I don’t stand up to be counted I have no right to complain and I think we should be complaining LOUD AND LONG!
How can we not support the Occupy movement? It is OUR movement after all.
Finally, a queenie little chap on TV told me that today is cosmically significant and so it is a good time to put out into the universe the positive wishes for what you want to attract so here is my wish list (in deference to Mildred Ratched I am wishing BIG)
One of my Grandfathers was a WW1 veteran. A country boy from Narrabri he was at Gallipoli (an honour that carries great kudos in Australia), actually he was there only very briefly. He had contracted a non-specific venereal disease in Cairo and was evacuated from Gallipoli to a hospital ship and sent home. An ignominious story that heavily contradicts the family legend. My other Grandfather was a trade union leader, Secretary of the Boiler Maker's Union, Member of the NSW Upper House in the famous Jack Lang Labor Government, in the Official Stand at the opening of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, and he was imprisoned during WW1 for actively protesting with his Unionists against conscription. (He was English by birth having grown up in the destitute suburbs of Leeds in Yorkshire.) Anyone hazard a guess whose legacy I want to carry?
On November the 11th 1975 the then Governer-General, Sir John Kerr, dismissed the Gough Whitlam Labor Government, creating the greatest controversy and the most dramatic event in Australian political history. Here I really wish I could insert a clip showing the incredible Robyn Archer singing her song "The Jubilee Cakewalk" but you are going to have to put up with my (probably inaccurate) 30 year old memory of the lyrics... My apologies to Robyn Archer for any errors, it has been a VERY long time since I heard anyone other than me sing the song.
Well the Queen is having a Jubilee and I don't begrudge her that.
But when I think of what her power did to my country I don't feel like raising my hat
When a white-haired old bugger name of Sir John Kerr
Sacked the Labor Government in the name of her
Old money bags Fraser refused supply and the Governor-General waved bye bye
To socialism, the Governor-General waved bye bye.
I've very fond memories of the Queen she's one of the few I've seen
As an antipodean child of nine I was taken to the race track made to stand in line
Now it was very hot and I had cause to faint
She's a benevolent monarch it's not her fault it ain't
But if our democracy is in the political shit she's not responsible for it
Or is she? She's not responsible for it.
Now she's given him a title, the Companion of Honour is he.
But anything of honour in the things that he did would be very difficult to see
I didn't set out to call the Queen a creep but you can tell a lady by the companions she keeps
And if our democracy is in the political shit she's not responsible for it
Or is she? She's not responsible for it.
Well I voted once and I voted twice but majority vote melted away like ice
Old money bags Fraser refused supply and the Governor-General waved bye bye
To socialism, the Governor-General waved bye bye he caused a schism
The Governor-General said exactly what I'd like to say to him
Bye bye Governor-General, Bye Bye.
I was only a kid when this happened... I still remember exactly where I was when I found out. I was on a bus outside the Registry Office between Hyde Park and St Mary's Cathedral and my friend Miranda told me the news.
Today has been declared an international worldwide Occupy the Streets day of demonstration but there doesn't seem to be much going on here in Sydney. There is an informal discussion this afternoon and I am considering attending (except I am saving my precious limited energy and endurance for going out later tonight and I don't think I can do both.)
Still in acknowledgment of my support of the Occupy movement I wrote the following comment on the Occupy Sydney Website.
I believe there is a gross inequity in the distribution of wealth in our society. I watch the rich get richer and the poor get poorer and I know it is wrong.
The global recession has caused corporations to tighten their belts (read; get more work out of less people under lower standard working conditions) and yet the very top of the tree continues to reap huge profits. Government doesn’t help because their principle concern is always getting re-elected and the top of the tree has the power to heavily influence an election.
If I don’t stand up to be counted I have no right to complain and I think we should be complaining LOUD AND LONG!
How can we not support the Occupy movement? It is OUR movement after all.
- I want the world to be happier, healthier, and wealthier (read - wealth shared more fairly)
- I want war and religion to get off the center of the stage (Play John Lennon's Imagine to express my thoughts on this matter)
- I want my health back
- I want to love and to be loved in return
- I want a safe comfortable environment in which to live long-term
- I want to not have as many things to worry about
- I want many varied opportunities for laughter
- I want to spend time with interesting, caring, socially conscious people
- I want you all to have your wishes come true too.
I am hoping to post this as close to the 11th hour on this the 11th day of the 11th month in the 11th year... I who was born on the 29th (11) for whom 11 has always been my favourite and most lucky number.
Happy elevenses to you and yours - may the magic be real!
Saturday, 5 November 2011
A mighty Big day! Or a big Mighty day
Well my body is feeling like shit and I'm not surprised! I really pushed myself yesterday and I had a HUGE day.
I rested all day on Friday in preparation for Saturday hoping like crazy that I would be feeling ok and as fit as possible so that I could attend the Occupy Sydney Rally. I TRULY believe that THIS is our chance to try to make a difference. Now is the time for moderate, ordinary people to stand up and be counted and damn-it I'm going to be one of them! In spite of the inconvenience, in spite of the pain, in spite of the cost, in spite of the small difference one person can make - I WENT.
My old friend from kindergarten, I'll call her The Reader couldn't make it, though I forgive her and fully understand why, but my other friend from high school, The Radical, was there which was excellent! I found a seat and listened to the speakers occasionally joining in the chanted responses... "whose streets? OUR STREETS" "whose world? OUR WORLD" and when the group took off like a herd of turtles up George St I ambled along, stick in hand. We didn't "march" (I use the word very loosely) far, only about 4 blocks. At one point I shortened my route by cutting through an upscale mall (the MLC Centre) and enjoyed the respite of the shade and the escalator capitalism offered me (LOL - the irony wasn't lost on me even as I hobbled past Gucci, Cartier and Louis Vuitton). I was pretty exhausted by the time we reached the assembly point so I didn't stay long there. However an interesting thing happened on my way up George St - I was interviewed by the nightly news people (not Murdoch or Packer LOL) and although they used my least coherent snippet I did make it into the newscast. Rats - I was going to put the link in and tell you where to find me but it directs to a more recent story now! ( The Best Friend managed to catch the story and said I should commiserate with Obama that they chose the wrong soundbite.) I think they approached me because of my grey hair and walking stick, little did they know, I launched freely with "I'm not against capitalism but I am against corporate greed, there is a gross inequity in the distribution of wealth in our society, the rich keep getting richer and the poor keep getting poorer and it's wrong..." I suspect I wasn't quite the dithering, benign woman they were expecting. The bit they chose to show was something like "there needs to be more sharing of the wealth"... oh well.
The need to be horizontal was becoming overwhelming, I'm like a drug addict needing a fix, so I had a lie down on the back seat of my car while I waited to pick another old friend up at the train station. She was delayed by the trains and as much as I was busting to see her I was really glad to have the extra time to rest.
I don't know where to begin to tell you about my wonderful evening! I literally laughed so much my sides are aching (and Felix the Cat was not present!). Thirty years ago, when I was a university student for the first time I met an incredible woman, let's call her The Lioness. We were working on a student theatre production together, I was acting and she was doing costume and set designing, and instantly we became friends forever. She is a person who exudes kindness, love and good humour. Well back in 1981 she took me back to her house where she lived in share accommodation with a tribe of people and there I met a woman who was to become another of my best "friends forever" friends, let's call her, The Actress. One of the housemates, who now lives in the US, is a close phone/internet friend still, and another, who I didn't know quite as well but whom I always enjoyed I shall call, The Scientist. Last night the four of us who are in Australia met for the evening.
I can't remember (not kidding here) the last time I had such a wonderful evening, the last time I laughed so much, the last time laughter and good company took most of my aches and pains away (probably aided by a few libations LOL). That amount of laughter is dangerous for middle-aged women who have given birth! Even now as I try to think of ways to convey the amusement I am laughing. The Lioness, who happens to be 5' 10" and slender, getting escorted to the ladies room (a novel experience) by a little Chinese waiter was one hilarious moment... on her return to the table upon inquiry about her escort it was explained that there is a code to get back in from the bathroom and he tried to show her but she "can't see and can't remember" so he just provided an escort instead. The Actress was wearing a pair of simply divine bright red high heels and so she became "Dorothy" for the evening followed by The Lioness (Lion), The Scientist, who is brilliant by any estimation, (she asked what the Scarecrow, wanted, to which I replied - "a brain!") and me, with my crunchy creaky body (Tin Man) and we followed the yellow brick road around Chinatown and eventually back to The Actress's house where we got to have dessert and a cuppa with her wonderful hubby, The Percussionist.
This period of my life has been quite unusual. I don't have any new friends at the moment (aside from my beloved mates on the other side of the computer screen!) I spend my time, when I do socialize with people I have known for ALL of my adult life and in some cases most of my entire life. Usually we have had long breaks in our contact, heaven knows I am a poor friend in that department, I leave it too long, get busy, feel like I have nothing of value to contribute, move to the other side of the planet, a million strange and twisted feelings prevent me from maintaining regular contact. Yet here they are, this collection of extraordinary women who I was fortunate enough to befriend in my youth, they are amazing, and beautiful, and funny, and loving, and quite frankly they are everything anyone would want in a friend. It makes me feel unworthy but still so damn lucky.
We are texting backwards and forwards today someone clever (The Scientist, quelle suprise!) seems to have figured out how to text everyone at once. The laughter and warmth survives despite the long time it has been between drinks. But it isn't just these three... It's The Reader, The Radical, The Best Friend, The Horsewoman, The Ex Girlfriend (X2 LOL), The Separatist, these are the incredible women I have rediscovered and I am going to do everything I can to never get so far away from them again.
I rested all day on Friday in preparation for Saturday hoping like crazy that I would be feeling ok and as fit as possible so that I could attend the Occupy Sydney Rally. I TRULY believe that THIS is our chance to try to make a difference. Now is the time for moderate, ordinary people to stand up and be counted and damn-it I'm going to be one of them! In spite of the inconvenience, in spite of the pain, in spite of the cost, in spite of the small difference one person can make - I WENT.
My old friend from kindergarten, I'll call her The Reader couldn't make it, though I forgive her and fully understand why, but my other friend from high school, The Radical, was there which was excellent! I found a seat and listened to the speakers occasionally joining in the chanted responses... "whose streets? OUR STREETS" "whose world? OUR WORLD" and when the group took off like a herd of turtles up George St I ambled along, stick in hand. We didn't "march" (I use the word very loosely) far, only about 4 blocks. At one point I shortened my route by cutting through an upscale mall (the MLC Centre) and enjoyed the respite of the shade and the escalator capitalism offered me (LOL - the irony wasn't lost on me even as I hobbled past Gucci, Cartier and Louis Vuitton). I was pretty exhausted by the time we reached the assembly point so I didn't stay long there. However an interesting thing happened on my way up George St - I was interviewed by the nightly news people (not Murdoch or Packer LOL) and although they used my least coherent snippet I did make it into the newscast. Rats - I was going to put the link in and tell you where to find me but it directs to a more recent story now! ( The Best Friend managed to catch the story and said I should commiserate with Obama that they chose the wrong soundbite.) I think they approached me because of my grey hair and walking stick, little did they know, I launched freely with "I'm not against capitalism but I am against corporate greed, there is a gross inequity in the distribution of wealth in our society, the rich keep getting richer and the poor keep getting poorer and it's wrong..." I suspect I wasn't quite the dithering, benign woman they were expecting. The bit they chose to show was something like "there needs to be more sharing of the wealth"... oh well.
The need to be horizontal was becoming overwhelming, I'm like a drug addict needing a fix, so I had a lie down on the back seat of my car while I waited to pick another old friend up at the train station. She was delayed by the trains and as much as I was busting to see her I was really glad to have the extra time to rest.
I don't know where to begin to tell you about my wonderful evening! I literally laughed so much my sides are aching (and Felix the Cat was not present!). Thirty years ago, when I was a university student for the first time I met an incredible woman, let's call her The Lioness. We were working on a student theatre production together, I was acting and she was doing costume and set designing, and instantly we became friends forever. She is a person who exudes kindness, love and good humour. Well back in 1981 she took me back to her house where she lived in share accommodation with a tribe of people and there I met a woman who was to become another of my best "friends forever" friends, let's call her, The Actress. One of the housemates, who now lives in the US, is a close phone/internet friend still, and another, who I didn't know quite as well but whom I always enjoyed I shall call, The Scientist. Last night the four of us who are in Australia met for the evening.
I can't remember (not kidding here) the last time I had such a wonderful evening, the last time I laughed so much, the last time laughter and good company took most of my aches and pains away (probably aided by a few libations LOL). That amount of laughter is dangerous for middle-aged women who have given birth! Even now as I try to think of ways to convey the amusement I am laughing. The Lioness, who happens to be 5' 10" and slender, getting escorted to the ladies room (a novel experience) by a little Chinese waiter was one hilarious moment... on her return to the table upon inquiry about her escort it was explained that there is a code to get back in from the bathroom and he tried to show her but she "can't see and can't remember" so he just provided an escort instead. The Actress was wearing a pair of simply divine bright red high heels and so she became "Dorothy" for the evening followed by The Lioness (Lion), The Scientist, who is brilliant by any estimation, (she asked what the Scarecrow, wanted, to which I replied - "a brain!") and me, with my crunchy creaky body (Tin Man) and we followed the yellow brick road around Chinatown and eventually back to The Actress's house where we got to have dessert and a cuppa with her wonderful hubby, The Percussionist.
This period of my life has been quite unusual. I don't have any new friends at the moment (aside from my beloved mates on the other side of the computer screen!) I spend my time, when I do socialize with people I have known for ALL of my adult life and in some cases most of my entire life. Usually we have had long breaks in our contact, heaven knows I am a poor friend in that department, I leave it too long, get busy, feel like I have nothing of value to contribute, move to the other side of the planet, a million strange and twisted feelings prevent me from maintaining regular contact. Yet here they are, this collection of extraordinary women who I was fortunate enough to befriend in my youth, they are amazing, and beautiful, and funny, and loving, and quite frankly they are everything anyone would want in a friend. It makes me feel unworthy but still so damn lucky.
We are texting backwards and forwards today someone clever (The Scientist, quelle suprise!) seems to have figured out how to text everyone at once. The laughter and warmth survives despite the long time it has been between drinks. But it isn't just these three... It's The Reader, The Radical, The Best Friend, The Horsewoman, The Ex Girlfriend (X2 LOL), The Separatist, these are the incredible women I have rediscovered and I am going to do everything I can to never get so far away from them again.
Friday, 4 November 2011
When vim and vigour vamoose
It sounded like a cute title and then I read the definitions and was struck by the degree of applicability!
(The following definitions are taken from Dictionary.com)
My friend from Kindergarten/Primary School (Elementary for you North Americans) and I spent nearly three hours together talking and to be honest we never missed a beat. We ate, had a beer, I stretched and hobbled around as needed (and managed to resist the urge to lie down on my booth seat!) and we talked.
Ours was a bit of a funny story really. As kids we were thrust together to some extent cause our mother's were friends, we were in a small school together and to be honest neither of us really fit in with the "cool kids". We were both being raised by divorced women (no big deal today it was a different story in 1970!) We both had professional and relatively affluent fathers who had shit on our mothers in the divorces. We both read like wildfire and we both had a passion for the works of the wonderful Enid Blyton. Our closest times were spent playacting characters from these Enid Blyton books and running around the neighbourhood, and the mudflats on the Lane Cove River, pretending we were having the same kind of adventures as the Famous Five or the Secret Seven. In year 5, I was moved to a different school and things changed. Although she joined me at the new school from years 7 to 10 we never resumed the same level of close friendship. She was an intellectual bookworm (a genius I believe) who was quite a loner and I was a gregarious, athletic girl who was always participating in one activity or another. We remained friendly but we weren't really friends and our shared history slid away like so much other flotsam and jetsam bobbing in our wakes.
You must be wondering by now what this has to do with my title and the definitions in my introduction. Never fear! I won't leave you hanging - I'm on my way back to the point.
Of all of the old friends I have reconnected with no other has referenced so clearly who I was when I was young. She said, "You were fearless, You'd do anything!" She pointed to a palm tree that probably stood fifty feet tall, and said, "You would have been at the top of that." I would have too. I would have shimmied up that naked trunk, like a monkey, and hung upside down from the fronds at the top. She told me something I had never known; that she had envied me my fearless physicality. I was the living definition of vigour and enthusiasm. My barely controllable surplus of energy and my readiness to participate were a hindrance to me as a teenager. I didn't have Buckley's chance of even simulating the droll ennui of the "cool girls" the vitality, the vim, was sparking from me like electricity, in fact I was the very picture of a "live wire".
Until a few years ago I would have still described myself as very enthusiastic. One of the reasons I loved living in the US is that enthusiasm is appreciated there - it actually attracts people rather than making them look at you like you are embarrassingly energetic. I think mentally I am still capable of enthusiasm, I get enthusiastic about writing these blogs, I am enthusiastic to convey clearly what I think and feel. The outward signs of my mental passion have dimmed though... My body no longer permits me to move or respond quickly or forcefully, and the crisp and powerful gestures have been watered down to careful and restrained movements.
Twelve hours from now I am going to attend the Rally to Re-Occupy Sydney and I am hoping that my friend from kindergarten will be there. She doesn't like crowds, but she said she will try. My other friend has said she is coming too (the one I met up with at the other rally).
I don't like crowds either and I'll stay well clear of any mass of people, I'm not fearless any more, I don't want to be bumped or jostled - that shit hurts! I would go everywhere in a bubble of padding if I could. I guess the bottom line is that when vim and vigour vamoose you have no choice other than to take it very gently.
(The following definitions are taken from Dictionary.com)
- Vim (Noun) - lively or energetic spirit; enthusiasm; vitality
- Vigour (Noun) - healthy physical or mental energy or power; vitality
- Vamoose (Verb) - to leave hurriedly or quickly; decamp
My friend from Kindergarten/Primary School (Elementary for you North Americans) and I spent nearly three hours together talking and to be honest we never missed a beat. We ate, had a beer, I stretched and hobbled around as needed (and managed to resist the urge to lie down on my booth seat!) and we talked.
Ours was a bit of a funny story really. As kids we were thrust together to some extent cause our mother's were friends, we were in a small school together and to be honest neither of us really fit in with the "cool kids". We were both being raised by divorced women (no big deal today it was a different story in 1970!) We both had professional and relatively affluent fathers who had shit on our mothers in the divorces. We both read like wildfire and we both had a passion for the works of the wonderful Enid Blyton. Our closest times were spent playacting characters from these Enid Blyton books and running around the neighbourhood, and the mudflats on the Lane Cove River, pretending we were having the same kind of adventures as the Famous Five or the Secret Seven. In year 5, I was moved to a different school and things changed. Although she joined me at the new school from years 7 to 10 we never resumed the same level of close friendship. She was an intellectual bookworm (a genius I believe) who was quite a loner and I was a gregarious, athletic girl who was always participating in one activity or another. We remained friendly but we weren't really friends and our shared history slid away like so much other flotsam and jetsam bobbing in our wakes.
You must be wondering by now what this has to do with my title and the definitions in my introduction. Never fear! I won't leave you hanging - I'm on my way back to the point.
Of all of the old friends I have reconnected with no other has referenced so clearly who I was when I was young. She said, "You were fearless, You'd do anything!" She pointed to a palm tree that probably stood fifty feet tall, and said, "You would have been at the top of that." I would have too. I would have shimmied up that naked trunk, like a monkey, and hung upside down from the fronds at the top. She told me something I had never known; that she had envied me my fearless physicality. I was the living definition of vigour and enthusiasm. My barely controllable surplus of energy and my readiness to participate were a hindrance to me as a teenager. I didn't have Buckley's chance of even simulating the droll ennui of the "cool girls" the vitality, the vim, was sparking from me like electricity, in fact I was the very picture of a "live wire".
Until a few years ago I would have still described myself as very enthusiastic. One of the reasons I loved living in the US is that enthusiasm is appreciated there - it actually attracts people rather than making them look at you like you are embarrassingly energetic. I think mentally I am still capable of enthusiasm, I get enthusiastic about writing these blogs, I am enthusiastic to convey clearly what I think and feel. The outward signs of my mental passion have dimmed though... My body no longer permits me to move or respond quickly or forcefully, and the crisp and powerful gestures have been watered down to careful and restrained movements.
Twelve hours from now I am going to attend the Rally to Re-Occupy Sydney and I am hoping that my friend from kindergarten will be there. She doesn't like crowds, but she said she will try. My other friend has said she is coming too (the one I met up with at the other rally).
I don't like crowds either and I'll stay well clear of any mass of people, I'm not fearless any more, I don't want to be bumped or jostled - that shit hurts! I would go everywhere in a bubble of padding if I could. I guess the bottom line is that when vim and vigour vamoose you have no choice other than to take it very gently.
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
The Berlin Wall - Occupy... think about it!
This just came into my facebook feed
Does anyone remember 22 years ago when we sat glued to our lounges and couches and watched the fall of the Berlin Wall?
Does anyone remember the feeling as those brothers and sisters - separated for nearly 30 years - partied on the wall and chipped away at it until it crumbled?
I do
It was tangible proof that individuals DO make a difference, that the movements for solidarity in Poland throughout the 80's HAD made a difference... That oppression can not perpetuate indefinitely.
The Berlin Wall holds particular significance to me because when I was 10 I was there. An Australian girl from a privileged and sheltered background, I will never forget staying at our hotel on the Unter den Linden in West Berlin and the sight of the wall truncating that beautiful avenue. We went through Checkpoint Charlie into East Berlin andsuddenly the everything seemed to be in black and white instead of in colour. The American guards at the checkpoint took our passports and gave us stern warnings "Be back before dark because we can't come in after you". Before dark! We barely lasted 20 minutes! West Berlin had more neon and flashing lights than I had ever seen in my not very long life and 100 yards away was the most depressing place I had encountered. I was only 10 but the impression it made will never leave me.
I am not suggesting there is a great parallel between the fall of communism and the Occupy Movement aside from the rising up of the people, of ordinary people, you and me (and even some Republicans (US) Liberal Voters (OZ)!!!) are saying "enough is enough".
I love this sign it states my position clearly,
I don't think this is about bringing down capitalism. it is just about sharing. In this world of abundance why do some (1%) have so much that they could never in their wildest dreams spend it all, when everyone else (99%) is struggling?
Please get behind this movement, make a supportive statement, attend if you can. The more of us who calmly say, "This just isn't right." the sooner someone somewhere will start taking notice.
I don't know what the symbol will be for this movement, I don't know what will be its BerlinWall, but I do know that when there is a change to corporate greed, and it will change, something will arise as our monument to massive social change and whatever that something is I will hold it sacred in my heart!
Saturday, Noon, Town Hall, Sydney - If you can make it, let me know to look for you!
Does anyone remember the feeling as those brothers and sisters - separated for nearly 30 years - partied on the wall and chipped away at it until it crumbled?
I do
It was tangible proof that individuals DO make a difference, that the movements for solidarity in Poland throughout the 80's HAD made a difference... That oppression can not perpetuate indefinitely.
The Berlin Wall holds particular significance to me because when I was 10 I was there. An Australian girl from a privileged and sheltered background, I will never forget staying at our hotel on the Unter den Linden in West Berlin and the sight of the wall truncating that beautiful avenue. We went through Checkpoint Charlie into East Berlin andsuddenly the everything seemed to be in black and white instead of in colour. The American guards at the checkpoint took our passports and gave us stern warnings "Be back before dark because we can't come in after you". Before dark! We barely lasted 20 minutes! West Berlin had more neon and flashing lights than I had ever seen in my not very long life and 100 yards away was the most depressing place I had encountered. I was only 10 but the impression it made will never leave me.
I am not suggesting there is a great parallel between the fall of communism and the Occupy Movement aside from the rising up of the people, of ordinary people, you and me (and even some Republicans (US) Liberal Voters (OZ)!!!) are saying "enough is enough".
I love this sign it states my position clearly,
I don't think this is about bringing down capitalism. it is just about sharing. In this world of abundance why do some (1%) have so much that they could never in their wildest dreams spend it all, when everyone else (99%) is struggling?
Please get behind this movement, make a supportive statement, attend if you can. The more of us who calmly say, "This just isn't right." the sooner someone somewhere will start taking notice.
I don't know what the symbol will be for this movement, I don't know what will be its BerlinWall, but I do know that when there is a change to corporate greed, and it will change, something will arise as our monument to massive social change and whatever that something is I will hold it sacred in my heart!
Saturday, Noon, Town Hall, Sydney - If you can make it, let me know to look for you!
Monday, 31 October 2011
When bad news is good
Today I saw Dr McLovely again, I actually told her that I call her Dr McLovely in my blog and, living up to her name, she blushed!
She had all my test results back and there were some not so nice results.
Quincy MD I'm not, so my grasp of the significance of all these things is tenuous at best but here is the upshot...
Whatever indicates a possible auto-immune disease was elevated.
Something to do with my thyroid was wrong and she said my brain was having to work very hard (no news there) to try and get my thyroid to produce enough of whatever makes my metabolism metabolize. This makes perfect sense because I have always been what the old cow cockies (beef farmers) would call an "easy keeper". I don't eat very much but I don't lose weight either. I'm not the size of a barn or anything but I am generously proportioned.
The thingy (that is a technical term for those of you who are uninitiated) that indicates Celiac Disease was high. Potentially this could account for the fatigue and what I had presumed to be a touch of IBS.
My sugar levels were elevated on a fast test which could indicate diabetes. I told her about my weird sugar stuff from when I was pregnant. I used to go to my pre-natal checkups every month and every month my sugar levels were elevated on the pee test so dutifully I would trot across the road to the path lab for a blood test and every month my blood sugar was fine. Dr McLovely is an expert at that breeding stuff, pregnancy, family planning etc and she laughed when I told her this and informed me that I had had Gestational Diabetes which apparently makes a woman predisposed to develop real diabetes later in life.
There were few other odds and sods... apparently I have at some time had glandular fever (news to me!) Naughty cholesterol is high, nice cholesterol is too low (the bad guys are in the lead in the cholesterol Stupidbowl apparently).
NOW - a "normal" person might come out of the surgery reeling from news like this, they might be HORRIFIED or even TERRIFIED!!! But, as anyone who has dealt with Fibromyalgia symptoms knows - we are far from normal! When you live your life with a myriad of unpleasant problems that have no known cause and no known cure it does strange things to your mindset. It makes you sometimes almost wish that you had one of the trendy, clearly defined, conditions. Something that is easy to explain to other people; something that has a well publicized name; something that can be nailed down with a specific test; something that potentially can be CURED!
I'm not very keen on the idea of having diabetes; I lost a very close family friend (almost a sister) through complications of diabetes earlier this year at the tender age of 52. I'm not keen on having thyroid issues or Celiac Disease. I'm particularly not keen on having some kind of auto-immune disease (the idea of my white blood cells attacking some part of me is like a bad B Grade horror movie in my mind). Still, let's face it Fibromyalgia is not a pic-a-nic with Yogi and Boo Boo either.
In spite of blood tests up the wazoo over the last two years no one has ever seen these results before, maybe Dr McLovely ordered a more comprehensive series of tests, maybe Aussie path labs are better, maybe all these wonderful problems are all new... I don't know.
The possibility is that some of these things might explain some of the fibro symptoms and that some of these things might be manageable with diet or meds, some of them might even be curable... Of course I have been dancing with chronic pain for most of my life... long before Dr MingDynasty decided to call it Fibromyalgia so I don't really hold out much hope that these things are INSTEAD of the FMS. Most likely they are in addition to FMS... but still an explanation, however limited, is a welcome piece of news.
Wouldn't it be cool if they could up my thyroid dooverhickey (another technical term - look it up!) and increase my metabolism? Maybe I could become trim, taught and terrific and all the eligible lesbians in Sydney would suddenly be bashing down my door!
So back for more blood tests in the morning - glucose tolerance etc... I made an appointment with the Immunologist, I think it is for January 2031 (He is a VERY important person). They told me they process their cancellations every Friday morning so I have set an alarm to remind myself to annoy them weekly. They asked if I wanted to see him about chronic fatigue or allergies... I said I have fatigue and auto-immune irregularities and this stuff is ruining my life and that 2031 is just not soon enough! Hence the suggestion to call on Friday mornings (silly woman telling me that - she'll rue the day!)
Just a side note - anyone in Sydney or environs there is a rally to Re-Occupy Sydney at Noon this Sat at Town Hall and if I can drag my exhausted arse out of the house I will be there!
NB - My lovely American friends I was only kidding about the Path Labs
and
The immunologist appt is 2012... ok forgive me, so I exaggerated a little!
She had all my test results back and there were some not so nice results.
Quincy MD I'm not, so my grasp of the significance of all these things is tenuous at best but here is the upshot...
Whatever indicates a possible auto-immune disease was elevated.
Something to do with my thyroid was wrong and she said my brain was having to work very hard (no news there) to try and get my thyroid to produce enough of whatever makes my metabolism metabolize. This makes perfect sense because I have always been what the old cow cockies (beef farmers) would call an "easy keeper". I don't eat very much but I don't lose weight either. I'm not the size of a barn or anything but I am generously proportioned.
The thingy (that is a technical term for those of you who are uninitiated) that indicates Celiac Disease was high. Potentially this could account for the fatigue and what I had presumed to be a touch of IBS.
My sugar levels were elevated on a fast test which could indicate diabetes. I told her about my weird sugar stuff from when I was pregnant. I used to go to my pre-natal checkups every month and every month my sugar levels were elevated on the pee test so dutifully I would trot across the road to the path lab for a blood test and every month my blood sugar was fine. Dr McLovely is an expert at that breeding stuff, pregnancy, family planning etc and she laughed when I told her this and informed me that I had had Gestational Diabetes which apparently makes a woman predisposed to develop real diabetes later in life.
There were few other odds and sods... apparently I have at some time had glandular fever (news to me!) Naughty cholesterol is high, nice cholesterol is too low (the bad guys are in the lead in the cholesterol Stupidbowl apparently).
NOW - a "normal" person might come out of the surgery reeling from news like this, they might be HORRIFIED or even TERRIFIED!!! But, as anyone who has dealt with Fibromyalgia symptoms knows - we are far from normal! When you live your life with a myriad of unpleasant problems that have no known cause and no known cure it does strange things to your mindset. It makes you sometimes almost wish that you had one of the trendy, clearly defined, conditions. Something that is easy to explain to other people; something that has a well publicized name; something that can be nailed down with a specific test; something that potentially can be CURED!
I'm not very keen on the idea of having diabetes; I lost a very close family friend (almost a sister) through complications of diabetes earlier this year at the tender age of 52. I'm not keen on having thyroid issues or Celiac Disease. I'm particularly not keen on having some kind of auto-immune disease (the idea of my white blood cells attacking some part of me is like a bad B Grade horror movie in my mind). Still, let's face it Fibromyalgia is not a pic-a-nic with Yogi and Boo Boo either.
In spite of blood tests up the wazoo over the last two years no one has ever seen these results before, maybe Dr McLovely ordered a more comprehensive series of tests, maybe Aussie path labs are better, maybe all these wonderful problems are all new... I don't know.
The possibility is that some of these things might explain some of the fibro symptoms and that some of these things might be manageable with diet or meds, some of them might even be curable... Of course I have been dancing with chronic pain for most of my life... long before Dr MingDynasty decided to call it Fibromyalgia so I don't really hold out much hope that these things are INSTEAD of the FMS. Most likely they are in addition to FMS... but still an explanation, however limited, is a welcome piece of news.
Wouldn't it be cool if they could up my thyroid dooverhickey (another technical term - look it up!) and increase my metabolism? Maybe I could become trim, taught and terrific and all the eligible lesbians in Sydney would suddenly be bashing down my door!
So back for more blood tests in the morning - glucose tolerance etc... I made an appointment with the Immunologist, I think it is for January 2031 (He is a VERY important person). They told me they process their cancellations every Friday morning so I have set an alarm to remind myself to annoy them weekly. They asked if I wanted to see him about chronic fatigue or allergies... I said I have fatigue and auto-immune irregularities and this stuff is ruining my life and that 2031 is just not soon enough! Hence the suggestion to call on Friday mornings (silly woman telling me that - she'll rue the day!)
Just a side note - anyone in Sydney or environs there is a rally to Re-Occupy Sydney at Noon this Sat at Town Hall and if I can drag my exhausted arse out of the house I will be there!
NB - My lovely American friends I was only kidding about the Path Labs
and
The immunologist appt is 2012... ok forgive me, so I exaggerated a little!
Saturday, 22 October 2011
Occupy Sydney - yesterday's blog at last
While I was thinking about what to write here about the Occupy movement I am VERY sad to say that this Sydney Protesters Forcibly Removed happened.
I went to the rally yesterday and it was respectful, peaceful and well organized in spite of rows of riot police lining each end of the area and preparing to 'kettle' the protesters. Kettling is the term applied to the act of police forming cordons across the paths out of an area and thus either containing the people within it or forcing the use of a particular (police chosen) exit.
Now for those of you who may not know this I used to be a Constable in the NSW Police Force. I went all the way through the Police Academy, including running obstacle courses and hill sprints in the snow during two nasty Goulburn winters and spit polishing my shoes. I spent three years working in General Duties at the lively inner city station, Newtown (ironically now the lesbian hub of Sydney).
I really understand the importance of doing your job regardless of your personal beliefs and attitudes. I took a very low key approach when I was dealing with people, even when I knew I was going to arrest them, I reasoned with people when I could and requested compliance before demanding it 99% of the time (the other 1% was too urgent.) I was only ever assaulted twice, once by a 10 yr old boy I caught prying the change boxes out of public phones and the other time by an old crazy woman, and wow is that ever another story. The HUGE blokes I hauled out of pub brawls always stepped meekly into the back of the truck. Anyway, I digress... I get it. I understand both sides and I can't appreciate either police who use unnecessary force OR protesters who get in the faces of cops and stir up trouble.
I went to Occupy Sydney yesterday because I strongly believe that there is too much disparity between rich and poor; I believe Wall St in particular, and corporate America in general, directly caused the recession in the US and the collapse of the housing industry; and I believe that the 1% has continued to rape and pillage like pigs at a trough while EVERYONE ELSE (yes EVERYONE, the other 99%) has struggled to tighten their belts! Furthermore, I believe that if you don't show your face and get yourself counted (if you possibly can) then you deserve what you get.
On the way into the downtown area I met a lovely young man (my god I sound like my grandmother!), Andrew is 17 and he has no idea what the Occupy movement was about, but he was interested. He sat with me on the bus and then waited while I got my ticket at the train station so that he could wait with me for the train and then sat with me there too. He had been refereeing basketball all morning and was on his way home. I tried to explain it to him but to say it is a protest against corporate greed is just scraping the surface. I would have had better words on my way home (except on the way home I was really tired and might not have struck up the conversation in the first place.)
The best speaker was a bloke from the MUA (Maritime Union of Australia) whose name I unfortunately didn't catch. The MUA was there with a portable cafe making free sausage sandwiches for all comers. They took a vote and approved a resolution of solidarity with the Occupy Sydney movement and they have been on board and helping since day one. Their speaker was interesting, informative and passionate he talked about Shell Oil whose profits amount to $35,000 a minute, yes A MINUTE. How the MUA is struggling with Shell for tiny pay raises and improved safety and conditions on the Shell tankers when Shell earns more than the most highly paid seafarer on their ships every three minutes. He talked about another CEO who was getting a 71% pay increase (to over five million dollars a year) when the same company was fighting against a 5% pay increase for employees, unfortunately I couldn't hear the details in this case. It is JUST WRONG!!!
The Occupy Movement is rather esoteric which makes it hard to clearly define the objectives and even to elucidate a desired solution. In a masculine, goal focused, society this makes it a bit hard to understand. My old friend, who met me there, tells me this is an integral part of the ideal, in that by not having specific demands the movement is open to evolve and morph into whatever it needs to be without the confines or structure of an imposed objective. (I hope I got that right mate - please correct me with a comment if I screwed up). Ergo the system is broken but the fix may not have revealed itself yet. Oh and BTW my old friend was great, it made me smile to think how unchanged she really is after 30 years of not seeing each other. Yet again I am reminded of what terrific friends I picked all those years ago!
Just an update, I did take a cane/walking stick with me. I never really realized before that it is like having a private portable banister or handrail whenever you want it, which is kind of cool. (I have been a huge handrail user for years since a few falls down stairs, due to crappy balance, drummed it into my thick head.) I was feeling pretty damn good yesterday and I really didn't need the cane though I must confess to giving it a lot more use on the way home when I was starting to get seriously tired. Last night was one of those nights when the need to be horizontal overwhelmed hunger and thirst and was only trumped by the need to pee!
I went to the rally yesterday and it was respectful, peaceful and well organized in spite of rows of riot police lining each end of the area and preparing to 'kettle' the protesters. Kettling is the term applied to the act of police forming cordons across the paths out of an area and thus either containing the people within it or forcing the use of a particular (police chosen) exit.
I went to Occupy Sydney yesterday because I strongly believe that there is too much disparity between rich and poor; I believe Wall St in particular, and corporate America in general, directly caused the recession in the US and the collapse of the housing industry; and I believe that the 1% has continued to rape and pillage like pigs at a trough while EVERYONE ELSE (yes EVERYONE, the other 99%) has struggled to tighten their belts! Furthermore, I believe that if you don't show your face and get yourself counted (if you possibly can) then you deserve what you get.
On the way into the downtown area I met a lovely young man (my god I sound like my grandmother!), Andrew is 17 and he has no idea what the Occupy movement was about, but he was interested. He sat with me on the bus and then waited while I got my ticket at the train station so that he could wait with me for the train and then sat with me there too. He had been refereeing basketball all morning and was on his way home. I tried to explain it to him but to say it is a protest against corporate greed is just scraping the surface. I would have had better words on my way home (except on the way home I was really tired and might not have struck up the conversation in the first place.)
The best speaker was a bloke from the MUA (Maritime Union of Australia) whose name I unfortunately didn't catch. The MUA was there with a portable cafe making free sausage sandwiches for all comers. They took a vote and approved a resolution of solidarity with the Occupy Sydney movement and they have been on board and helping since day one. Their speaker was interesting, informative and passionate he talked about Shell Oil whose profits amount to $35,000 a minute, yes A MINUTE. How the MUA is struggling with Shell for tiny pay raises and improved safety and conditions on the Shell tankers when Shell earns more than the most highly paid seafarer on their ships every three minutes. He talked about another CEO who was getting a 71% pay increase (to over five million dollars a year) when the same company was fighting against a 5% pay increase for employees, unfortunately I couldn't hear the details in this case. It is JUST WRONG!!!
The Occupy Movement is rather esoteric which makes it hard to clearly define the objectives and even to elucidate a desired solution. In a masculine, goal focused, society this makes it a bit hard to understand. My old friend, who met me there, tells me this is an integral part of the ideal, in that by not having specific demands the movement is open to evolve and morph into whatever it needs to be without the confines or structure of an imposed objective. (I hope I got that right mate - please correct me with a comment if I screwed up). Ergo the system is broken but the fix may not have revealed itself yet. Oh and BTW my old friend was great, it made me smile to think how unchanged she really is after 30 years of not seeing each other. Yet again I am reminded of what terrific friends I picked all those years ago!
Just an update, I did take a cane/walking stick with me. I never really realized before that it is like having a private portable banister or handrail whenever you want it, which is kind of cool. (I have been a huge handrail user for years since a few falls down stairs, due to crappy balance, drummed it into my thick head.) I was feeling pretty damn good yesterday and I really didn't need the cane though I must confess to giving it a lot more use on the way home when I was starting to get seriously tired. Last night was one of those nights when the need to be horizontal overwhelmed hunger and thirst and was only trumped by the need to pee!
Friday, 21 October 2011
Storytime and Occupy Sydney
About seventeen years ago when I finally decided that constant pain was really worth mentioning to my GP he put me on an anti-inflammatory drug called Orudis (Ketoprofen) which is a Non-Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory (NSAID). One pill a day which suits a busy slacker like me (my son was about 1 at the time). He also said, "Welcome to middle age" which I thought was a bit rough seeing as I was only around 32 and most women live well past 64! The first few days this drug was like a miracle for me, for the first time I was pretty much pain free. Then, on about the third day, I got depressed... flat lined... no joy (even with my wonderful absence of pain) and started to cry... and cry... like a willow I wept! On around day five I went back to the doctor who rapidly consulted his MIMS and found that in some infinitesimal percentage of people depression is a side effect. Of course we immediately discontinued. This was the real eye opener - the depression lifted and the PAIN came back, it came back in spades, with friends (whole tour buses of painful friends tap danced on my joints and muscles). I was astounded by the level of pain that I had been living with... acclimated to... Unfortunately, as an aside, further attempts at NSAIDS revealed that I have a reasonably serious allergy to them and because for some reason the doctors are worried about anaphylactic shock I am not allowed to take anything from an aspirin on up. It's a real pain in the arse (and elsewhere in this case!). So I am left with over the counter paracetamol/acetaminophen or narcotics and one is useless and the other twists my head. I think the only reason I am dribbling on about this is that I had to fill out the questionnaire for the pain clinic today and it was a pain of its own kind.
I want to go to the Occupy Sydney rally tomorrow, even if I have to go alone I want to go. I might even meet a friend there who I have not seen for 30 years (another story no doubt) which would be really cool! Naturally there is a but... I'm stressing out about walking too far and standing too long. I think back to the anti-uranium rallies I attended as a girl in the 70's and I remember an aching back and sore feet from standing for so long (and I was a pretty fit athletic kid!). I'm stressing out. I tried to write a sentence on facebook chat to tell my old friend and I wrote and erased four times before deciding not to mention it. I don't have any mobility aids (I used to have a cane in the US but it hurt my hand/elbow/shoulder too much to use it so I never used it, not even once) and I look resoundingly healthy (which makes my GP question my veracity when I tell him it hurts everywhere) but I am scared, I feel very vulnerable. This is a VERY unusual state of affairs for me. I am actually thinking of buying a walking stick before going in the morning. In truth I have been thinking about getting one for a while but I have been resistant, very resistant... I must say I was using the putter when I got exhausted on the golf course, the other day, and it did help. My balance is not all that flash, I lurch along like an old drunk even on the rare occasions when I am sober! (just kidding). Over half of the severe pain I get is such that it impacts my walking until it passes, at those times a cane would really help... Why am I so resistant? Why is this causing me such anxiety and concern?
Is it my ego or concern for my image? It never bothered me when friends and former lovers used aids, am I that shallow?
Am I concerned people will think it is unnecessary or attention seeking? Because after all I can get by without it most of the time.
Is it just plan stubborn cussedness that makes me not want to let go? This is hard, it is another step of acceptance, one I may not be ready to take...
Am I going to let something like this stop me from contributing to a cause I believe in?
I really don't know what I am going to do about this but I am not going to decide tonight. I will think about it , and if I am so lucky as to hear your opinions I will think about those too... I will make up my mind in the morning.
I want to go to the Occupy Sydney rally tomorrow, even if I have to go alone I want to go. I might even meet a friend there who I have not seen for 30 years (another story no doubt) which would be really cool! Naturally there is a but... I'm stressing out about walking too far and standing too long. I think back to the anti-uranium rallies I attended as a girl in the 70's and I remember an aching back and sore feet from standing for so long (and I was a pretty fit athletic kid!). I'm stressing out. I tried to write a sentence on facebook chat to tell my old friend and I wrote and erased four times before deciding not to mention it. I don't have any mobility aids (I used to have a cane in the US but it hurt my hand/elbow/shoulder too much to use it so I never used it, not even once) and I look resoundingly healthy (which makes my GP question my veracity when I tell him it hurts everywhere) but I am scared, I feel very vulnerable. This is a VERY unusual state of affairs for me. I am actually thinking of buying a walking stick before going in the morning. In truth I have been thinking about getting one for a while but I have been resistant, very resistant... I must say I was using the putter when I got exhausted on the golf course, the other day, and it did help. My balance is not all that flash, I lurch along like an old drunk even on the rare occasions when I am sober! (just kidding). Over half of the severe pain I get is such that it impacts my walking until it passes, at those times a cane would really help... Why am I so resistant? Why is this causing me such anxiety and concern?
Is it my ego or concern for my image? It never bothered me when friends and former lovers used aids, am I that shallow?
Am I concerned people will think it is unnecessary or attention seeking? Because after all I can get by without it most of the time.
Is it just plan stubborn cussedness that makes me not want to let go? This is hard, it is another step of acceptance, one I may not be ready to take...
Am I going to let something like this stop me from contributing to a cause I believe in?
I really don't know what I am going to do about this but I am not going to decide tonight. I will think about it , and if I am so lucky as to hear your opinions I will think about those too... I will make up my mind in the morning.
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