Last night I had an experience that clearly confirmed that someone, one of my American exes I suspect, has acquired a voodoo doll in my image.
Sitting on the couch with TLOML (who is wonderful/incredible/fabulous/and even better than I imagined etc) watching the teev suddenly my left butt/hip starts to hurt with a deep ache... a moment later my right ankle develops a stabbing pain for no reason, I hadn't even moved it! The ankle hurts enough to take my mind off my butt (oooh that was a weird image), but not for long because a moment or two later it's my right shoulder, then there is something stinging me at the back of my right knee, oh hang on -- nothing really there... no actual sting. Then it's my right side of my butt with a deep throbbing ache. If it didn't hurt it would have been amusing.
I started to describe this to TLOML (who is terrific/adorable/fabulous/and actually cares about my aches and pains etc) and while we are talking these blocks of pain continue to move around my body. Mostly they were aches but, just so I don't get too bored, there were a few sharp stinging pains and some weird skin sensations... wandering imaginary insects, huge patches of burning skin etc.
Now any of my pals out there who are unfortunate enough to share this bloody rotten condition with me may have experienced feelings like this... Actually wandering random pains are not all that unusual. What was really odd last night was the speed of the changes. I could hardly keep up with what was hurting most while trying to describe it to TLOML (who is gorgeous/amazing/fabulous and genuinely seems to be in love with me too for some insane reason etc). I was announcing a new location about every ten seconds.
As a rational and well grounded, sensible woman, I can, of course, only come to one conclusion; someone is playing roughly with a voodoo doll - an effigy of me. I don't think they were doing the stereotypical sticking in of pins, mostly I think they were squeezing or pinching parts of me with an occasional little pin prick. Perhaps they have acquired one like these ones pictured below (available at Voodoo Authentica)
All I can say is that I hope they misplace my effigy as soon as possible because I felt like I was playing some strange twisted version of "Whack-A-Mole" that would have been more appropriately called "Rub-A-Sore Spot"... I couldn't keep up and failed miserably.
Fortunately this episode petered out eventually and I was able to enjoy Tablet Time with TLOML (who is excellent/awesome/fabulous and who I love more every day etc). Courtesy of Dr McLovely I have been getting some sleep which IS interrupted by pain but IS NOT interrupted by the jumbo jet that is landing in the bedroom every ten minutes or so (aka the air conditioner). I have even been dreaming a LOT lately. If lack of sleep is really the culprit in the FMS mystery I should be feeling better... I'm sad to report that "better" is not the Word of the Year so far for me. "Happier" has taken what appears to be an unbeatable lead in the Word of the Year stakes! That might be courtesy of TLOML (who is enchanting/amusing/fabulous and who has plastered a huge smile on my dial etc).
Herbert, would you please make the villain stop playing with the doll?