The things I can write..

Well, here's the story - I'd like to write but I can't really talk about the thing that is dominating my thoughts at the moment.  Perhaps I can best use this forum to talk about the things that are going well.

• TLOML and I are wonderful together.  Even though we have been going through some really very difficult stuff we have supported each other pretty much seamlessly.  I could not have imagined that we would work together so well, so caringly (I know that isn't a word), when going through a crisis situation.  Our precious new relationship has faced an external assault and has proved resilient and solid.  I am astounded by her grace under pressure and by the sensitive awareness she manages to maintain even in the heat of the moment.
• I have been doing reasonably well, health wise lately.  A few days of quite bad pain here and there, some weird things (like the whack-a-mole phenomena mentioned in my last blog), and a general weakness, but mostly I would say that life in the tropics is working well for me.  This is particularly good in view of the stress of the last few days.  I know that I can have an almost immediate physical reaction to stress and fortunately it hasn't been too bad this time.  (Not long before leaving Sydney I was in a stressful situation and even while it was still happening I began to experience very acute pain in multiple areas.)
• The day before yesterday (Sunday), as part of a deliberate plan to try and relax a bit, TLOML and I went for a swim in one of the pools formed in a creek.  There has been a lot of rain lately and as a result all the creeks and waterfalls are flowing.   We slowly and carefully trekked a couple of hundred yards to an oasis of beauty.  On the way in, someone leaving pointed out a koala sitting quite low in a tree.  I have not seen a koala in the wild since I was a small child. This young fellow was hanging out in the fork of the tree watching us.  It was very exciting.  We arrived at the pool at about the same time as a young family that was climbing up the creek bed but they didn't stay long and soon we had this natural haven blessedly to ourselves.  At one point I lay back and floated, totally relaxed (for the first time in ages!), I looked up though the gum trees to a spectacular blue sky with puffy white clouds.  If it sounds idyllic it is only because it is.  About the time we were ready to leave another group arrived.... they could not have been more different from us, they had cigarettes, beers in hand, a bull dog, a boom box, and were yelling to each other.  It takes all kinds...
• Today in about an hour I will pick up TLOML from work and we are going to take the dog and explore another creek that runs into one of the bays here.  Being a weekday, and getting a fairly early start, I'm hoping we will be alone.  TLOML never hurries me or becomes irritated with me when I am slow or unsteady; she's always ready to give me a hand or a shoulder to hang onto.  About the dog - TLOML has a wonderful dog and we've become pretty close, she hangs out with me all day and then she and I share the highlight of both of our days when we go together to pick up TLOML from work.  Four bright loving eyes are waiting in the car for her which must feel pretty good!
• I feel so very fortunate to be here, to be Australian, to live in a country with boundless natural beauty, and abundance.  We did an online shopping order and bought a "Fruit Box" which is a selection of the fruit that is good at the moment.  It was a bit of a mistake and we ended up with all kinds of things we would not normally order (green apples, strawberries, cherries, red grapes etc) but it has been lovely eating my way through all the stone fruit - peaches, nectarines, apricots and plums and I even feel like I am performing a service by eating them before they go off!  The fridge is full of wonderful food, there is beauty at every turn, and I feel loved; how much better does it get than that?

I am missing The Boy, though we talk often on the phone and occasionally on skype, and I'm missing The Best Friend whose warmth and good humour saw me through all those strange and dark days.  I talked to her on the phone yesterday for quite a long time and it soothed me.  She is taking care of my boy and nurturing him for me.  

TLOML has an amazing best friend too and I really need to mention her here... I think I will call her The Nurse.  Throughout this stressful situation The Nurse has been an unfailing voice of reason and sense, she has provided direct guidance and constant support, not only of TLOML but also of me.  I can barely scratch the surface in expressing my gratitude and appreciation to her for her validation and insight.  She has welcomed me unequivocally and I value her in a multitude of ways.

So there you have it... we are taking the rough with the smooth; we are holding together and being kind to each other.  So, for someone who couldn't talk about the big issues, I seem to have managed to have plenty to say!