Should... Who says?

On Friday evening I have to go to my first University workshop session.  This is followed by full days on both Saturday and Sunday.  I'm scared.  Yesterday I had a really lousy day and my body was wracked with one intense breakthrough pain after another.  It was bad enough that I broke my own rule and took Codeine in the middle of the day.  I should have been doing some of the pre-reading for my course.  I should be doing that right now. Yesterday I lay around in bed whining (to myself and the dog) and played Words With Friends with my close online friend who lives in England.  We chatted and played and I whined to her a bit too.

When I picked up TLOML I confessed that I had not achieved anything useful during the day and told her that "I should have..." (fill in any of the myriad of jobs and tasks that are waiting for my attention.)  She's so wonderful, she chastised me with the words "No shoulds!"  We had a lovely evening... quiet and warm... easy. We watched some TV, had dinner, talked through some things we are each dealing with, it was really very close to perfect.  At one point I had my arm around her shoulder and she was holding my hand and I realized that we were holding hands with both of our hands, my right draped over her shoulder in her right, and our left hands resting on my knee.

I don't recall ever being with someone before where we hold both hands.  TLOML and I seem to naturally (and without either of us noticing it) assume the same kind of hand hold they used to teach us in primary school or all those progressive barn dances.  It's surprising how often we find ourselves in one of these positions.  We both like being close... at least most of the time.

Yesterday when I picked TLOML up from work she was in a grumpy and frustrated mood (yes she is human in spite of demonstrating the distinctly super-human skill of putting up with me).  I reached for her hand and she withdrew and made grouchy comments about being too annoyed to hold hands... that's fine...  we all become obstreperous from time to time.  She vented for a while then we settled down to our nice peaceful evening.  I was still in pain but fortunately not as much.

Today was better than yesterday but far from great.  I spent some time helping TLOML's cousin, who is visually impaired, do an online grocery order and I've been slacking off a bit since then.  Working on our shopping - making some government agency inquiries (that have been hanging over my head for a while).  Generally just hanging around with the dog.  I'm still itchy and still sore and I feel significantly discombobulated as to rationalize my lazy day.

Tick Tick Tick - Friday evening grows ever closer!